Every day, every thing I do, I have to decide whether to do it or kill myself. Should I take a shower or just kill myself? Go to work or just kill myself? Go buy toilet paper or just kill myself? It’s exhausting. The only thing keeping me alive is concern for what will happen to my cat, who I love dearly. Anyway.
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I feel that same way at times. I have had those feelings a lot this year.
I also had a cat like that once. He was my best friend ever! Might have been the only life form that ever loved me back.
I love you too! And my cat. 🙂 Sorry you feel exhausted, friend. I bet if you put cat food outside somewhere you could win the love of more cats.
You are not alone in this. Philosopher Albert Camus who perhaps wrote more about suicide than any other philosopher once wrote:
“Should I kill myself, or have a cup of coffee?”
BTW, if memory serves, he died in an auto accident while someone was giving him a ride to the airport.
I absolutely would not be here now, if it wasn’t for my cat. She is such a sweetie that I just can’t leave her to an unknown fate. It isn’t her fault my life went to hell, and it sure isn’t her fault I was the one to pick her and agree to love and care for her.
I tried for years to find someone to take her, somewhere that she would feel safe and loved. But I came to the conclusion that I am the only one that can guarantee that. At times I even think I will just have her killed, then I will follow her a couple of hours later. But I just can’t do that to her!
My problem is endless and sever pain that I have been living in since a botched back surgery in 2011. I’ve lost count of how many times I wished I didn’t have a cat depending in me so that I could end my nightmare.
But she does depend on me, and I am at least a tiny bit better than I was 7 years ago. Pain has gone from being hell all day everyday to just being hell for half of each day.
So instead I cook her (cheap) salmon, buy her a chicken strip when I’m at the store, and try to get her food she will like, as well as taking her for a walk every other day so that her life is happier than mine (yep, she’s trained to walk with me through the little field next to us, no leash, then she comes inside when I whistle).
I guess we are stuck with each other. I cannot have her killed, so she forces me to keep going. And I do what I guess we all learn to do, I try to make today better than yesterday, for both of us. 🙂
Pets are better than anything at keeping us here, now. I’m lonely by nature, so my “fanimaly” means everything to me. To me, there is no finer sound than the purr of a content kitty!
But you have a way to kill yourself I guess is the question?
Those sound like simple things to question
Mine is more like should I go to college or kill myself (which is a serious question I asked myself 6 years ago when graduating high school)
My answer is always I will kill myself
So I do not attend college last 6 years
Well, because I was also supposed to have killed myself 6 years ago. Vowed to kill myself when I turned 18.
Now it’s just a matter of when.. haha. So no college or higher education for me.
You should grab the education while you are deciding your fate, something good might actually come along the way. To many times it is easy to see only bad things in our future. We forget that good things accidentally happen sometimes too!