for many years… lets say half a decade I’ve been alone (on the inside). School obviously became unimportant since the only thing of importance was my desperate search for answers… and those questions were regarding my existence, how life worked… how human societies worked. Sure my research have uncovered many fascinating phenomenons about life itself… but one things remained unchanged all these years. Not only was my desire not welcomed every day every conversation every spoken word that came from my mom’s mouth was in scorn, disappointment, criticism. and just now like 5 minutes ago she made it very clear to me she wanted me to die. and to be honest i’m tired also of being stuck in this room for so many years. i want to die also, just not sure how to do it painlessly. now you might ask why i’m in this room for so long, well sadly i don’t have the abilities to sustain myself. all i can do is leech off the dinner table. you may say i’m lazy or retarded but it is very simple actually. if a person was never taught the skill to do something, then how does that person acquire the skill? i mean of course i’ve been outside, of course i’ve handled money, of course i’ve tried so many many countless times to so call ‘sustain’ myself, but my failures all come back to a cloud of hatred and pure criticism hovering over my head day in and day out. i’m 20 but i feel , and i might as well be 13 or a child, who’s existence have been simply living to fulfill my mom’s expectations and when i decided for once to pursue something of my own, that so called ‘parental love’ disappeared. i don’t know how long has it been since i’ve heard mom said a single nice thing about me or smiled at me, or tried to communicate with me. every word she says that’s directed at me only further affirms that she hates me. don’t give me that mom/parental love bullshit, this has been for the past 5 years. and i’m still stuck between these horrific 4 walls with no place to go, no home to return to, no ability to support myself. and i’m just asking for some kindness a way out, a painless way to die.
*i’m reposting this from yahoo answers… and someone commented that i was trolling but i’m not so yeah i need help*
4 comments
What the fuck does trolling mean? I keep hearing it being said and reading it around but I don’t what the fuck it is. Is it like when nerds call other fucks a NOOB? Now you guys have a word and you call people TROLLS? Well, I’m goin to make up my own word. From now on you are FLOYDS!
YOU FUCKING FLOYDS! lol
TC, trolling is like, when you post something that is ridiculous (like the person is lying to get attention) or when you post something with the intention of starting a fight (saying something racist or homophobic or just anything that will make a person angry.) Trolling is just an attention thing that people do to get a reaction over the internet. I don’t know why anyone would think you’re trolling helpme but Yahoo! Answers is like the place for trolling so I guess people don’t take everyone so seriously on that website.
helpme, it’s hard when people expect you to live life like everyone else. You’re very smart and I think because you don’t have that love and support from your mother it’s making you feel you can’t do anything or possibly, shouldn’t do anything that’ll make you happy because you feel you don’t deserve it. I never understood why parents have children then tear them apart piece by piece and then not understand why the child is angry, sad etc. I’m really sorry because I don’t know any painless ways to die (and if I did I’d probably wouldn’t have seen 2011.) So, this comment is kind of useless but I guess right now maybe you should look at your life and see what’s causing you to want to die. Try to make a goal, even if it seems impossible, and works towards it. I mean, I don’t want to sound like I’m just telling you to stop thinking about suicide and try to make everything better just like that. I think you should just figure out what you would like your life to be like and then figure out a way to make it possible. This comment is long and boring but I hope you get to find a way so that you feel you deserve to live.
Lol calm down Tc
A troll means someone who’s seeking attention though the net 😀
Annoying? Yea and theres lots of them.
But I dont think Helpmehelpme is one.
You should get as far away from your so called “mother”. To be honest thats the only thing you really need. Get away from here because you dont need her ass to tell you that you should be dead. I know people like her, they will suck life out off you till you start hurting yourself. So get away from her or make a damn good plan for it!
Take care
I feel like ive just read my autobigraphy , i was looking for myself cause i lost myself now i grown so apart from human contact i spend my life inmy room i stop doing all my work causei see no point in doing it if im going to die, tonight fron next week end makes no difference to me , my mother called me a disappoint ment and made it clear ive let her down, i just feel so alone and idont know why, im just sad and they take my silence as mean selfish acts but im just sad is all and alone , i canntdo this anymoree. I just wanna cry all the time, im lookibg for the painless way to go but everything seems so painful, but i guess anything less painful then dissapointment sadness an lonelyness