I feel in the day on a human flight mode fighting with a sadness inside and an exterior which secretes a lie of joy to others which really isn’t there.
However from where ever you are reading this can you relate to me when you get into bed and feel the inevitability of death, your subconscious and that voice in your head can finally talk to you and tell you that you know you feel like shit and that you feel like no mater what the stuff you do even in glimmers of true happiness you will inevitably be dead. Do you ever plan out the scenarios of how people will react to your death,in a ficticous ideology in your head once your gone everyone publicly expresses there real admiration and love for you,
building this picture that everyone is fake around you until you die.
do you relate? How do you feel when your true private life style or the true side of you speaks to you while you lie in bed
to the readers I want to be there for you if I can hit me up ever if you want to talk
insta-bl0nd.e
5 comments
This post is deep and thought provoking. I ‘ll pick just two ideas from it to start with. The inevitability of death angers me. I t makes me wish reproduction could just halt. I know it will not but still I wish it would.
I have thought much about my own funeral and that makes me reluctant to CTB.
what do you mean by halt?
Thank you for asking. By halt I mean all people willingly try to cease reproduction so that hardly another person has to suffer in life other than those who already do. Of course this will never happen.
Right now, as I see it, 7.5 billion people currently suffer far too much. They will die off and be replaced by a somewhat larger population who then continues and extends and expands the cycle. Oh well.
I can relate in many ways. At night it’s almost suffocating. Here’s a thought that might help… I don’t think our nighttime thoughts are the true us. The true ‘you’ is who you are when you are outside your 4 walls, when you can see, hear, breathe the real world (and I mean the REAL world, not a different set of 4 walls like your job or school). When you’re alone in nature with your thoughts, that’s the real you.
We don’t experience it often. Humans are basically still cave dwellers, literally and metaphorically. But some of us aren’t meant to be. It would be great to go on nature hikes every day, but that’s not practical or possible for some of us, so we slowly suffocate. Like you said at night it’s the worst when we have no distractions and we realize the sadness of a pointless life.
I have imagined my own funeral many times. They ache and I don’t. But oh god do they ache.
I hate what dying does to the living and I hate what living does to the dying.