First of all, i’m beyond grateful for this site, it has seriously shown me how many people are going through the same stuff I am. Obviously you don’t have to read this, but, i need to write it. I may never go on this site again or check it, but i need to let my soul just spill. I grew up in a Christian home my whole life. My father was a missionary and my mother is/was a seriously strong christian. Recently, i’ve been going through serious depression. I don’t know what’s wrong with me, I’ve just been a zombie. I’ll come home from school and just want to sleep all day and night. I’ll just want to break down and cry for hours. I come from a really well off family, i go to a private, christian, school. my family is envyed upon by many. i have amazing siblings, i live in a huge house. and yet, i feel so incredibly empty. my mind is continually full of the pictures and stories of hundreds of people around the world who are dying, being abused, and starving at this very moment, while i’m wrighting this. I don’t understand how people can live in a world that is full of such darkness and despair and yet be happy, and get excited for things like prom, or winterformal. such things seem so trivial to me. whenever my friends gossip or rave about a guy i want to shout “don’t you know how meaningless your actions are? do you think it will really matter in the overall scheme of things that bobby didn’t ask you to prom? do you know that people are dying of starvation while your worrying about your weight and thinking about going on a starvation diet to lose a few pounds!” i just feel so inadequate, so lost. i do sports around 6 times a week, so you’d think that the endorphines would kick in already. i just want to die sometimes. the only thing that’s keeping me is my mom, she has such great love, and she’s gone through so much crap in her life, yet she keeps living, and it would kill her to have me die. i know, i’m stupid, there are so many of you who have no one, are in extreme pain, and have legitimate reasons for commiting suicide. i’m just a whiny teenager, and if you feel that way, you have every right to. i’m just glad this website is hear, so i can feel like there are others out there too. there has to be meaning to this life, please tell me there is, there has to be. i need to know that there is more than just this moment, right here, right now.Â
share your suicide story
Report Post
Please log in to report posts
5 comments
Firstly, you are not a whiny teenager – your pain is real and you need to own that. While some depression is unwanted, the feelings you are currently feeling is perhaps your psyche telling you that something about the way you are living your life needs changing. This is what Scott Peck, one of the great psychiatrists, calls our “legitimate suffering”.
Some people who feel depressed do so because they realise things that many people just choose to ignore – like the suffering in the world. You should take your depression as a gift, telling you to do something about the world’s suffering.
You can start small: at your next birthday, have a “no gift” birthday, where people instead donate money to a charity of your choosing. I live and work in Africa, and if you want a list of charities in South Africa, have a look at greatergood.co.za and see which one you are drawn to.
Since you are young, all of your life is ahead of you, and you can make choices that help reduce suffering in the world: e.g. at college, taking some of your vacation time to visit a developing world country and helping with your skills and time. You can also take a gap year after you graduate.
When you work, you might want to start donating a certain percentage of your earnings a month to a charity. If every American donated 2% of their earnings to food aid, it would make a huge difference to world hunger.
I’m sure you can think of a lot more ideas, and see what will serve you best. Good luck, and if you want to chat further, you can do so at drukdeur@live.co.za
Whiny teenager, no. Highly evolved human being, yes. Your capacity for empathy is astounding for someone of your age, to be focused on such issues. You sound like you want to be mad at what is going on in the world, so much so that it is making you depressed. Take Lance Armstrong; he had brain, lung, and testicular cancer all at the same time, he survived, and his most famous quote–in my estimation–was (paraphrasing) “it is okay to get mad, as long as you do something about it.” Maybe you should be positioning yourself to do something about the suffering in the world. Peace Corps? Some other volunteer work? You care about people immensely, we need someone like you.
hey i know how you feel, i’ve been at tiny catholic schools my whole life, and felt how you have. the whole reason i am still here are my parents. And honestly you can only do what you can with what you have where you are. this is why i volunteer a lot in my community and am thinking about joining the Peace Corps when i get older, but hang in there, honestly and hey it does help to write it out, so anytime you need to the computers waiting :).
helper
I know its been said but i just want to say it again to make sure you know realize what an incredible person you are. Your compassion for all people, even those youve never met and never will meet, left me breathless when i read this. If everyone was like you this would be a spectacular planet to live on. Its people like you who will save this race.
Im in the same situation as you in regards to your mom. My mom is also the only reason im still breathing. My brother took his own life 2 years ago and witnessing the devastating effect it had has solely kept me from going through with it. Im not gonna tell you to not do it but just please keep in mind that your mom loves you, and from your story it seems clear that you know this and return her feelings, and i know deep down you dont want to leave her here alone.
You are such a rare human being! I wish everyone was like you! I know what you mean when you say your friends talk about pointless crap. Next week it will just be a different guy!
Your one of earths Angels!