I’m back on here. I thought i was doing better than i was 2 weeks ago, but in reality i’m not. I finally got diagnosed with depression 5 days ago. i already knew that i had it but i guess it’s a good thing i officially know. I just feel so tired. None of my hobbies make me happy anymore, i don’t understand why. I finally started cleaning my room but i don’t want to finish it, that feels like too much work. I still can’t go a day without thinking about death or suicide. I want to die the only reason i haven’t gone through with it is because i dont want someone to have to find my body. anytime i think of my future i just think about how i will kill myself once i live alone. i can call 911 before i do it and i won’t have to worry about anyone finding me that’s not them. I want to be gone. I don’t want to live past 18. I think i am trans and it all just feels to hard. I’m thinking about texting my parents a long thing about how much i want to kill myself then maybe i could get more help. go to the hospital or something. I want to get better and have tried for years, but every time i feel okay i end up back where i started. I never am doing good and i’m just so tired of it. im so tired of trying. I just want to be dead.
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Everything you’ve described are the staple symptoms of depression. Right now, treatment is your best option. Depression makes you the kind of tired that sleep won’t fix, no matter how much you nap or lay down or stare at your ceiling. I’m telling you, as someone who has undergone treatment, if you go to a good doctor, you won’t regret it. As for the gender identity stuff, I understand how weird and difficult it feels. Everything just kind of feels out of place, the vessel you’re operating is the wrong one. I’m nonbinary, and it took me years to figure out that, gender wise, I sit somewhere in the middle. Again, your best option is to tell your parents what is going on. Make sure to preface it with the fact that you want help and need support from them. Different people react different ways to their child’s mental health. Just make sure it doesn’t come off as accusatory (parents tend to get really defensive about being blamed). I wish you the best.
When I first got diagnosed with depression and anxiety (a few months ago), I had all these symptoms for about 3 years and I wasn’t too surprised tbh. It all kinda got worse from there. I get exactly how you feel about just being tired of it all, I hope you get better as do I, along with everyone here.
Yup, tiredness and lack of interest are big indicators of depression, so that diagnostic is kinda accurate i’d say. I can’t say much more than what has already been said above (great points btw), but i just wanted to add this: don’t let your diagnose define you, it’s just a label for what you’re going through, not the other way around. Depression is something really hard to deal with, but it can be done, not at the level of “fixing it”, but it can get more manageable, and interest in the things you use to care about returns if you’re able to deal with it.