for the record, never found support for this, and I’ve been looking.
I was raised in high achievement culture. Put it this way, I only made friends with weirdos and outcasts, and most of the people I grew up around ended up pretty damn successful. I say all this to say I’m the runt of the litter, the black sheep who despite fine breeding and training still ended up almost useless.
And again; this is something I’ve never found another likewise afflicted. The pressure, to be something, somebody….. it’s unreal.
Today it hit me in the gut again, because once again I demonstrated my ability to adapt and thrive despite my challenges. I fixed a vent fan over at my parents house… small I’ll admit, but in the end I didn’t have to use anything but the tools I already had…. and this was something they were willing to replace.
I don’t think I’ll ever live up to my potential, and I don’t know if I’ll ever be okay with that.
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Although I’m not necessarily in this category, I’ve always been intrigued at the overachiever suicide syndrome. Japan consistently has a high suicide rate for a developed country, and it’s often attributed to the pressures of not just surviving but excelling. I also follow athlete suicides, especially young college athletes who are at the top of their game but even that isn’t enough for them.
I guess it goes back to the recurring discussion on this site about whether money, fame, privilege, talent, looks, smarts, friends & family make a difference. I believe these things do make a difference, especially if you’re at rock bottom, but as we get higher up the ladder these things matter less. And maybe the sustained stress of maintaining these things ends up making you top heavy. Hence a fall.
It’s as if dissatisfaction follows us no matter how high we climb, no matter what we achieve. The man who invented Nylon, one of the most significant inventions of the 20th century, fell into a deep depression because he felt he was a 1 trick pony. He killed himself, taking all his ideas to the grave.
It’s very important to keep doing like you did, taking pride in day-to-day accomplishments like fixing a vent. Seriously, mechanical fixit jobs are impressive because they involve a lot of problem solving on the fly, creative thinking, physical stamina. So it’s almost like a world class athlete feeling good about doing a set of crunches at home. It may not win any awards, but it keeps you fit, sharp and in the game.