Pain and emptiness.
Most people just don’t get it. They don’t understand how someone could possibly want to die. Some of them will post stupid articles or rants about how “dying is totally and utterly dumb and your a jerk if you desire to die” but they lack the understanding. Not everyone is lucky enough to be given a happy life. In a world that is falling apart; a place of immense darkness and corruption, not everyone is so lucky. Many of us find ourselves in the most unfair and worst of situations.
My first friend, lost himself to lust and depression, gave up his dreams, lost sight of himself, declared me an enemy and then turned his back on me.
My first best friend brought a 5 inch blade torward my chest, and attempted to kill me.
My first love spilled her own blood to quell the pain, she” recovered”, she changed, and I lost her, forever.
Life has been nothing but unfairness and disappointment. I’m a pretty smart guy, in fact, I know things about society, terrible things. I know how the system works, and this isn’t just in a general sense. I know why cancer rates are higher in America than in other countries. I know what caused the recession, I know the truth… far too grand to explain here. All I can say that is only fools proclaim the world to be such a beautiful place, the truth is that the world is falling apart, and its worst than we could have ever thought.
So many people are cursed with being unlucky. Its as if the universe has declared that we don’t deserve the good things life has to offer. Like we did something wrong, like we deserve to be in pain! It certainly isn’t fair. Happiness is having a lot of good things happen to you and not having lots of bad things happen. I don’t have a lot of good things. It hurts, and I can’t help it. Living? Living? My gosh, its not like each day isn’t a living hell.
A lot of people can relate. We are the unfortunate. We are the victims of a dysfunctional world, and because of that we are more or less suicidal. Most people have to work 2 jobs just to live in poverty, at the same time corporations move their jobs to third world countries to take advantage of the desperate and to make even more money. The rich enjoy their boundless wealth, and we live in a world where the top 10% has far more than 75% or so of all the money. Its a sick world we live in.
Wanting to die isn’t wrong. Its the world that is wrong. It is society that has led us to this. Pain and emptiness are the gifts of darkness, and a life of darkness.
I just hate it so much. I was cast into a dysfunctional family, I lost all of my bonds, everyone I ever cared about… I lost everything! The love of my life, the future I could of had! A family, kids… life. I have nothing, ha ha, I have nothing!
Thats the reality for many of us. Society is designed to be this way- some people win – some poeple loose. Well thats bullshit. I’ve been writing a book about modern day society, and how it affects us. Its all about the flaws of society, why things are the way they are, basically the ultimate guide to the hidden truths of our world, and I believe this truth can change peoples lives, the worlds, everything. But I’m not even sure if I’ll live long enough to finish it. I think I want to, if I’m going to die, I should at least leave behind my life’s work. I don’t know if it will even make a difference or matter, but who knows.
Living is hard, death seems so sweet. I wish to die, I want it badly. Life is.. hell. Maybe I”ll live on, who knows. Perhaps I can trick myself into enjoying it. Maybe I”ll just start smiling at everything. Embrace a little insanity, just do anything I want with no regret.
I’ll leave this little take with a few words: Anyone who pokes fun at, or insults, or accuses people who want to die of being foolish, YOU PEOPLE SHOULD BE ASHAMED
If reality did to you what it has done with us you wouldn’t be so self righteous.
I don’t know if anyone will read this, but peace be with you. I hate living, but you know, I don’t hate people, not all of them anyway. I’m sure you guys and gals can relate. Respond if you want, I’m signing out.
-R
9 comments
If you wanted to die so badly you would have already done it… Something is keeping you here.. Admit it or don’t you want to see what will happen.. You want to believe that there is a good part to life and your just waiting around to see it… Good luck to you and your book! I’m sure it’s great.. You seem like a pretty great writer! And your lucky to have that skill…
I appreciate that post so much. Sometimes I feel as if more people understood the view of the world that many of the people here have mental health issues wouldn’t be so stigmatized.
I can relate to what your saying. I cant say that I know the truth about this world, but I sure can feel it. And really can’t understand how anyone cannot feel it, well unless they are rich and oblivious. I hope you find the will and strength to write your book and say what it is that so many of us really want to say.
You are blaming society? We never had it so good. (most people have to work two job’s so what. Think about it. In victorian time’s we could get die just from the water we drunk. Poor people were really fucked. (prob be dead from T.B or hunger. We got electricity now technology. Tv/computres/ movies good music. There will be allway’s be rich people and poor people. I’m sorry you lost your girl. But stop ***** in about society. The truth is we never had it so good.
I dunno about having it good nowdays.You’ve gotta be earning about £50,000 a year to be able to afford a shit house,and look at the petrol prices in the UK £7 a fucking gallon.The cost of living has gone up 4 fold in the last 15 years,but the minumum wage has increased by about £25 pence in that time.
Then bike to work? or public transport cost of a house your right our generation are fuck. So rent. Cant take it with you anyway. Victorian’s had worse.
@BrokenButterfly
Yeah, I’m still around. I accept death as much as I do life. I want to accomplish things, I’m not afraid to keep on living, and thanks, maybe one day you’ll see my book on the shelves, my real name starts the same letter as my alias. “R” that’s my only hint. 😛
Writing is all about hard work, I was born talentless, so anything I’m good at came from hard work, skill can be gained.
@kno1
Yes I’d agree, I only wish more people knew how to put themselves into other peoples shoes. I’m glad you found something meaningful in my post.
@sutterfly
I thank you, and yes, its all around us. Lots of people can sense it. It just feels… wrong, doesn’t it? I will do my best to state the truth as it is.
@Dr dolittle
Victorians had less rules to follow, could break the law in any manner of ways and get away with many things. Society is screwed up, and not everyone has TVs and computers and junk. Third world countries suffer the most, but anyways, thats why I want to do something about the way the world is; make it a better place.
@noom Seriously, inequality everywhere is rising, things are getting tougher as corporate profits keep going up.
I hate living and want to die agree Wanting to die isn’t wrong. as you say
I wish to die, I want it badly. Life is.. hell. i m hopeing to end it soon im 49 years old
@hopetodie
49 years old? Hm. Thats far past the point where you will regret anything you do now. Why not use your remaining lifespan having a blast? Diving with sharks, hiking mountains in far off lands. Traveling the world, just row boating to some tropical island. You could go ahead and risk your life doing whatever the hell you want without worry. If I ever fully committed to death I think I would do things like that, but alas, I am young, and if I change my mind it would be troublesome. Anyways, may you find some peace wherever that lies for you.