Needed to take a moment. At work right now. It’s her birthday today. Said I’d call her after losing a bet with myself. Pretty sure it’s just an excuse. Still haven’t done it. Teetering back and forward. One part pulling me in one direction, another illogical part pulling me in another. Every rational part of my brain says not to. That it’d be pointless to try. Just re opening scars that haven’t fully closed yet. She’s gone. Got to accept that. The other part of me makes no sense. Part of it is petty, part of it is desperate, part of it doesn’t even know why it’s pulling. Someone on here gave me grief about my sad little plan. Called it “crossing boundaries” or whatever. As if ghosting is an acceptable form of “setting boundaries”. There’s the petty part talking. The thing is I can’t pretend they are wrong. If she doesn’t give a shit about me then she doesn’t give a shit about me. No amount of trying to reach out will change that. That’s the thing I had to learn the hard way. I remember a long time ago when I asked if she was ever sick of our friendship and of me, would she tell me. She said that talking to me at all was a sign she wasn’t sick of it. So everytime she ghosted me I thought “Have I finally drove her away?”. I guess she did set some “boundaries” after all.
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It’s very difficult to move forward if your weighed down by the past. Don’t continually punish yourself for something you can’t control. Doing the same thing over and over again expecting different results will only make you feel worse. Please don’t fall into that trap. I know these sound like empty platitudes, but they are also just true. I know you can fight and win, you just need to want too.
You seem like a decent guy. My take on this situation is ‘no reply is a reply and a powerful one’. Thats probably not what you want to hear but I don’t want to give you false hope. If something was gonna happen it would have happened by now. With women you only get a brief chance and when that chance passes unfortunately you have to move on. There are 4 billion other women on the planet, move on mate for your own peace of mind.
Ended up taking the middle road and sending her a simple happy Birthday text. Cause God forbid I commit one way or the other. It wasn’t a big deal. Deleted the convo so I don’t have to look at it. I’m surprised I’m not as anxious waiting for her to reply. I feel nothing really. It’s honestly the same thing as talking to a brick wall. You expect nothing. Doubt she even saw it.
Hey, middle ground is at least better than going all the way. I can understand not being able to commit one way or another in that regard – and the fact that you’re not as anxious is probably a good sign. I can understand the struggle of it all, to a point anyway. It always hurts when someone just… leaves like that, especially if they never even say why when they do. And if it makes you feel better at all, the way you’re feeling about it all is valid, is pretty normal. Especially the back and forth between the options you have – it sucks. I hope you can find some peace in it, it seems (from what I can tell – forgive me if I’m wrong) you’re getting better at dealing with it. It’s not easy, accepting it, but I think it can be doable.
I think, from what I can tell, that you’re at least a good person who deserves to be cared about genuinely, and as you yourself mentioned, she just doesn’t. And I’m sorry for that, but I hope you can find some peace and that things begin to look up for you
Hey sinner. Always happy to hear from you. Thanks for the kind words. If I’m not mistaken, you had similar problems not too long ago. Hope it’s getting better for you too. Nice Pic on your last post. Still need to read it, but regardless I hope you are doing ok.
Awe, it’s good to hear from you too ^^
I did/do, haven’t tried reaching out to them in months. I was stupid to continue calling it a relationship for so long- but I guess that’s dumb high school shit for ya. I don’t feel any anger at them, per say, and honestly I think being ghosted like that not once but twice kinda fucked with me, maybe still is fucking with me. Idk. But I understand that it hurts, and it hurts a lot. I figure now as long as they’re happy it’s fine, I know I probably failed in more ways than one in that regard.
Thanks ab the pic btw- it took like 5 or 6 hours to fully complete it but I don’t regret it- kinda brought me out of a burnout art wise I think. Dw ab reading it if you don’t want lol- it’s just the usual rants I guess. I guess I’m trying to be okay, I hope you’re doing alright as well
Sorry, I didn’t mean to ‘give you grief’. I just want you to get what you want, and the way you were going was a sure fire way to NOT get what you want.
I don’t think you should take the ghosting personally. 9 times out of 10, it’s them, not you. Don’t beat yourself up.
And you should be proud of yourself. I think you handled it the right way. A text says ‘I’m thinking of you and I’m there if you want’ – but doesn’t put pressure on. (As long as it’s not constant texting). Well done 🙂
No worries. Like I said you weren’t wrong. There was no logical reason to talk to her. The text I sent was just “Happy Birthday” no muss no fuss. She probably didn’t even see it or knows that I sent anything.
Arguing with the empty space, that’s what I ended up calling it when it came to someone I cared about who didn’t seem to have much to give back.
I still do. Argue with my ex wife. Sometimes I argue with the girl I wish I had married instead the first time around….. a half dozen sweethearts I feel like such a tramp. Well, never more than one at a time, that’s the important bit. And one never felt that way about me, so that’s not fair to count.
Maybe I’m old and bitter, but if someone doesn’t want to be in my life, that’s fine with me. Huge world we’ve got here, not everyone has to be best buddies. Initial attraction is partially chemical and cognitive, but ongoing attachment is a choice.
So, it happens that now I have someone to care for who cares for me as well. Life smiles sometimes. It’s not passionately intense, but it works. It gives me hope. Us together we might make it, in this wild and dangerous world.
but it may be gone, any time. Thanks anxiety. Good things are finite, but so are unpleasant things.
I just think you probably deserve better. Not necessarily than her, better than this. Part of that is on her, a part and that part will get harder if she never says a thing. The part on you though, that’s the part you have control of.
if I had a proverb to write it’d be this; grieve for the dead when you care for people, because someday you may either for them or someone they love.
A gone person leaves a hole, and that hole can never be filled. Nothing ever completely fits or even gets that close. I’m so full of holes… yet there’s always room for more it seems. Maybe it’s a rubbish metaphor.