I haven’t been here in 2 years. Why am I back again? Why am I here at all? (Not sure, whether I mean this website or the actual planet) I even forgot what this website was called.. I’m glad I found it. Kinda. I have met so many unwell people, who then moved onto being happy. And it’s never happened to me… Who stays the same after 17 years? Where’s my glorious ending to the whole bitter route of despair? I haven’t changed one bit and I tried. I really did.
I’ve traveled, met some people, got medical questions answered, started cooking & baking (no more frozen pizza for me, no sir!), lost weight and picked up decade-dead hobbies. And still, I’m barely able to see through the fogginess. It seemed, I was moving the right way on the “recovery” but just recently I crashed so hard with my emotions, that everything is shattered yet again. I do the same shit over and over.
I still have no job, no IRL friends and the people I do meet don’t stick for too long, no romantic relationship and no ambition or dreams. Everytime I’ve tried and invited someone out, they either declined or canceled last minute… I am just so tired of this.
I think some people were just meant to be alone. And be unsuccessful. Under the radar.
3 comments
I remember you. Sorry you’re back here. I don’t know if people were meant to be alone or not. I don’t think we’re meant to be anything. Things just happen to some people and don’t happen to other people. I guess the important thing is just to learn to work with what you got. Even if it’s not that much. Hope things get better for you.
Hey, I remember you. Welcome back.
I like that, why am I here, this planet or this website? The question we should all be asking. Well, misery loves company my friend.
I gather from a lot of your post despite that in some areas of your life you aren’t progressing (romantic, friendships), you are progressing in others. You can cook now! Small victories take some of the sting of the meaninglessness of existence away.
You found your way back here anyway, and this is a place you can be accepted and talk about whatever you need to talk about without consequences in your everyday life. That has a lot of value.
So, take it easy. I’m at least glad to hear that we haven’t heard from you in awhile because you’ve been out living a rich life, not because you were taking a dirt nap. I know, you’re going to say it wasn’t that rich, but any life at all is richer than a dirt nap.
Man it’s amazing but also sad that you made yourself better but ended up in the same empty place. I think congratulations are in order though, because at least you did something, you got something out of life. Self improvement.
It’s kinda like in gangster flicks when the guy knows he’s gonna get whacked but he dresses up in a suit anyway. Goes out looking his best. By getting your health on track & learning some great skills, you’re looking your best.
Sometimes there’s a happy twist and he doesn’t get whacked. Or sometimes, like I just saw a movie where it ends with him dressed in a suit and we never know if he gets whacked.
Who knows if some of us are meant to be alone. I kinda agree, at least in my case. It sucks when no matter what you do it comes to this.