Anyone elseknow what it’s like?

Lost my son earlier this year.
Never wanted kids.
Did not find out he existed until he was 4.
My ex wife cheated so I got the marriage annulled and put her out.
Did not know at the time she was pregnant.

Alsmost 5 years later I get a subpoena from court for possible paternity.
Having been celibate and single since the annullment I was shocked until I read the name. Seems she had gotten remarried to one of the guys she cheated with and they got divorced and the child was proven not to be his.

So I guess she did the math. And I had not moved anywhere.

Saw them in court and he was the spitting image of me. Still asked for DNA to make sure. She got her garnishment and pretty much went out of her way to prevent him from seeing me. On his birthday I begged for him to be able to come here because his is one day before mine. Every problem stemmed from the fact that I ended our marriage from her infidelity. She was upset because I put her out. Go figure.

So he did not get to come and died in a car accident with one of her friends and her child. Had he came to be with Dad he still may be here.

Thing is I never cared about living. I saw no meaning in life from childhood to now.
Failed at previous attempts due to lack of knowledge.
And the abuses, ostracizing, and other issues along the way did not help.

So when I found out about my son I was determined to kick around at least till his mid adulthood to do all I could for him. Call it giri as the Japanese might say. Duty.

So I do understand part of your pain.