Soooo tired. Sooo tired of living. Sooo tired of existing. Sooo tired of being suicidal. Sooo tired of being me. Sooo tired of living situation. Sooo tired of trying.
Before I was hit by a car, I had dreams. I had a bright future. After the accident, I have nothing. My life plans dissolved and I am in a quagmire of misery. This quagmire has no ending and no beginning. It seems as if it has always been. I have existed longer after the accident than I’d existed before.
Was in the hospital, for unrelated reasons. The medical staff worried and called a psychiatrist. They (there were two) said that I am not mentally ill. There is no reason to have me committed to a psych unit. They understood where I am coming from. They understood that I am ready to quit living. It was validating.
A therapist recently told me that I have an “amazing life force”. What a bunch of crap. I told her as much. I have zero life force, I have a son.
The emotional and sexual abuse have driven me to the ground. No one hears me.
I haven’t attempted suicide in over 20 years because of my son. I don’t want to lose my freedom by being committed to a psych hospital. I simply have to exist in this never ending state of chronic suicidality and it is much too much for anyone.
6 comments
It’s October 27, 2014, 4:14am. This post was made 9 years and 11 months ago. Crazy stuff. I was 17 back then, kicked out of school in 2004 and heavily paying for it now.
I wonder if people will read the rubbish I’ve posted here in the year 2024? I hope I’m not alive then.
I wonder what became of the OP.
This is like a time machine. 10 years ago (almost) wow. Take me back and let me correct my mistakes.
wow… im curious of them now too. Hope they are still here living a good life.
Yeah I came back here out of curiosity looking at old posts is very interesting
When this site was 1st started i was 10 when this was posted i was 11 fuck this sites been around for a real long time.
i wonder what happend to the people who posted these posts 10 years ago hope they are wel land safe now
I’m curious about what happened to the postmakers here 11 years ago. Anyway hope they feels better. I was a small kid at that time.