This is not meant as a dramatic post. I just needed to talk to people who understood the kind of pain and depression that can lead to ending one’s own life. For those of you who aren’t sure, take a look deep inside of yourself as well as around you. Suicide is, of course, murder – but it is a strange kind of murder in which the murderer punishes himself/herself simultaneous with committing the crime. The two most important things to ask yourself are: (1) is there another answer? and (2) how many will I hurt by doing this?
I am NOT advocating against suicide – I would be a hypocrite to do so – I am only saying that you need to make sure all other options have been exhausted.
As for me, I have made this analysis and have drawn my own conclusions. I have reached the end of things. I have many things that weigh me down and none of these are “temporary” problems. I was diagnosed as suffering from severe depression over two years ago……and that was before bad things started to take place in my life. My only options are ongoing misery (that WILL NOT end – and I know this with a certainty) or peace. I choose peace. I know that I will be hurting at least three to four people by taking my own life and I regret this terribly. But there is a balancing that you have to do in life. There comes a point when you have to look and ask yourself “on balance is the pain I will cause them greater than the pain I will continue to endure?” In my case, I know with certainty that my pain will far outstrip most everybody else’s combined. There is only one person (my sister and only sibling) whose pain will approach mine and I have forced myself to stay alive as long as I have only because I didn’t want to cause her pain).
Count on it. I don’t bluff. If it is Saturday then it will be by heatstroke (I’ve been taking diuretics for a week now to help dehydrate myself and Saturday is scheduled to be 90 F – which means over 110 F inside a car – which should hopefully do the trick). If Saturday doesn’t work then on Sunday I’ll have little choice but to go the “death by Hibachi” route. I’ve already done a trial run and came fairly close – my instincts took over and I stumbled out of my car delirious – next time I’ll take an Ambien first.
Yes I am as scared as any sane person would be at the prospects of facing the “great beyond.” I am petrified of the end. But I am even more afraid to keep facing the ever-increasng pain of my life.
13 comments
I know the feeling.
I don’t really see any prospects in my life either. But even though I find it very unlikely that things will get better, and far more likely that they will get worse, I can hardly say I’m certain. No one knows the future, and that’s just how it is.
Sorry to hear that you’ve made that decision. Especially for your sister. I hope you find peace.
Murder is the unlawful killing of another with the intention of doing so. There at least half of the people on this site who are here because others have inflicted such misery and oppression on them whether lawfully or otherwise. Yet, it is not illegal to drive a person to suicide. You can lose control once, stab somebody and be branded a murder for life. Alternatively you can use deceit and treachery to destroy a person over a long period of time. Who is the more evil. I would try and help the weak but the same fools would only call me a murderer. If you believe as I do, then I could hold a gun to my attackers head but instead of them shoot myself. I believe that there is no value at all in either life or death. Our actions are entirely inconsequential. We don’t exist and never did. Sumer is not mad when he speaks about ‘the void’. I understand him perfectly.
No offense meant, but I’ve never considered suicide to be murder.
That’s like saying that masturbation is the same thing as sex. If a married man whacks off is he cheating on his wife?
Just my opinion.
“(1) is there another answer? and (2) how many will I hurt by doing this ?”
(1) nope
(2) why would people be hurt by the fact I realized I’ll never be happy here (cause of all the ignorance, intolerance, deceit etc) and I’d rather face the unknown then spend another day here ?
the soul-tearing pain, the anger, the guilt are mainly a result of their outlook on suicide .. unless it’s a child parent situation, I don’t think anyone should be made that responsible for another well-being
@lafe you can’t really try to justify suicide by quantifying it against hurt or pain or any of those other unquantifiable emotions. In the end it comes down to your decision. But I question if yr still thinking about those factors, if yr really as ready as you think
@Lucy why do you turn everything into masturbation analogy? Just saying…
@one_day; If you retain sole ownership of your body you can do anything with it you’d like. (Including making a “mistake”.)
Murder is the act of unlawfully killing a person.
If you kill yourself you are both the perpetrator and the victim but it’s something you chose to do to yourself.
Like the other example. It’s a choice & should not be viewed as a crime since you’re not involving other people who chose not to participate.
one-day, I’ve not the slightest clue how you managed to read “masturbation analogy” in anything that I wrote. Perhaps you thought that Lucy4’s comment was mine (and she wasn’t making any analogies either – she was making a point as to whether suicide is murder or not).
@lafe – The masturbation comment was directed at Lucy4. That is why “@Lucy” preceedes it. And yes, he was likening the suicide=murder comparison to masturbation=sex. He does that a lot. You’ll get used to it.
Masturbation is the intentional murder of millions of potential humans! Oh The Humanity!
there should be more sex in the world, there’s be less suicide 😉
randy dawg
@dawg whole heartedly agree! You’re on fire today!
I creative when I procrastinate … that’s how my procrastination can be “justified”
… and it takes my mind off my physical ailments … the last few days i’ve felt particularly broken (physically) … so … why not do some mental push-ups. wanna join me?
dawg daze
@dawg.. it’s 7am and I’m trying to work out how to post an essay onto the uni online submission system. This is harder than writing the essay was in the first place. I’ll take the physical pushups, you keep the mental ones.
You can kill yourself slowly with drugs or alcohol, but you can’t commit the act quickly as it is illegal. Silly society laws.
Yes, to see no tomorrow is my reasoning as well. I have no temporary stresses, just long term (no future) stress.
Soon….very soon….