hey world …. hey people .. hey life ? ..
34 years old female from the uk – long term mental health problems
( depersonalisation , derealization , dissociation  ,depression * hey whats with all the friggen d’s ? )
anxiety , blah de blah blah – yeah i know im boring you *sigh*..
to cut a long story short …. ive come to a point in my life where i feel i have no other choice but to give up , everything i try to do DOESNT and everyones lives ive come into contact with ive fckd up ! .. im sick of being stuck on the shelf of life watching the world go by .. whilest my use by date is approaching !!!! .. im this shadow of a person – i dont know who i am anymore .. .. i cant cope no more and im NOT going to be drugged up anymore !!! .. OR BE ADMITTED INTO A HOSPITAL ! .. pahhh .. my life .. my crazy messed up life ! … Im very tempted to *catch the bus* but wouldnt want to take the journey by myself and am looking online for a person to be my travel buddy !.. if that makes sense ….x i dont know .. =(
I FEEL LIKE IM WATCHING THE WORLD GO BY LIKEÂ A BIRD IN A CAGEÂ , WITH THE DOOR OPEN – BUT MY WINGS ARE CLIPPED AND MY FEET BROKENÂ -Â CRAZY SHIT ..
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18 comments
I’d love to catch the bus with you. If only it went via Australia 🙁
Dear Little Bonkerz Lisa
sometimes life seems ever so meaningless and without purpose or aim. yet once you find a reason to exist and continue to live, you will find happiness, how ever slowly, but you will find it. It seems as though you’ve reached a mid-life crisis where you’re identity and position in the world is being challenged. Being around good things, good company, good scenaries, good food, good environment will have a comforting effect on your personality and help you see the good things in life.
As you live in the UK, can i recommend a nice train ride across the beautiful continent that is Europe? maybe go down to sunny Spain or perhaps all across to Germany or beyond to Greece? stay at a nice hotel, meet the locals, embrace their culture and explore the countryside. away from the city and being closer to nature in the country will help you breathe and relax you and take away stress.
I hope this helps, please, continue to live and exist. it may be temporary, this feeling of depression and pessimism, give it time and maybe you will be over it.
Good luck, i hope to hear good things from you soon
I appreciate your input and can totally understand how it looks but pls understand i have been living this way for YEARS – and i have struggled on each day with a glimmer of hope .. thats now rapidly fading fast ..
i really honestly do not see a future .. for me ..
i dont know what way to turn .. ive been here , there n everywhere – now all i have in my sights is a “bus timetable”
hi LBL .. I’m 24 and I live in Belgium
I can relate to the shadow feeling & watching the world go by, feeling like there’s nothing you can do about that
I’m tired of having to do a lot more than ‘normal’ people .. tired of being jaded, hopeless & forcing myself to give a damn while they seem to enjoy and embrace life without much effort
how would you intend to leave this place ?
hi truthbetold
im new to all this ( not the depression ) but online chat and lingo .. x
im not sure how i would go … im currently trying to find out more information as i type to be honest ..
i dont know … gah !
LBL,
Understanding how many of is feel ( sorrow, hate, despair, pain, frequent visits to the spa… A term for mental care and long term mental health, and of course let’s not forget the boat load of pills that many of us daily.
Looking at things that way is honest and to the point. I will assume you have dealt with this poor hand of cards for a long time.
I view things in three aspects:
1. The gray. This is where most of is land. Sad, depressed, manic, and alone.
2. The white. Ones who have beaten the mental strain of their own negative psyche or at least they think they have)
3. The black. The few of us that see no way out. Most of the black followers are afraid, weak.
, or know what has to be done. Many answers seem simple… Travel (no offense outerhaven) time of work go run a race or something. But sometimes the climb just to the gray seems impossible.
Lisa before you CTB hold on and at least try to climb to the gray. Its not that much better in the gray but that means you have hope.
I’m confident that through all you have been through you are a wonderful person deep down inside.
The bus will always be waiting just don’t carry enough Change in your pocket to get on.
Iron
welcome to suicideproject LBL
afa I’m concerned I’ll try to leave by hanging somewhere in 2 weeks .. hopefully I’ll be gone before May 1st .. to fail and be committed would only fuel my anger
hi ironmiserie333
thank you for your reply .. i see what your saying and i agree , or did ..
you see thats what ive been doing – gripping on with my nails to the gray while my feet are nearly touching the black ..
LATELY i have noticed my fight has weakened – i really cant be bothered anymore .. i mean ive been fighting since i was 10 if not earlier not too mention all the crap thats happened along the way gahhh and im now 34 .. i cant relax in my own house ! .. around my own family .. when i say RELAX i mean be around , be near , cope with .. it may sound a little exaggerated and my people only see what i allow them too see .. however ask my fiance and he will tell you the truth ! ..
thats another thing .. i live with my fiance and son .. now i not only feel like shit because of me and my reality but i feel even worse as ive introduced and now trapped them in this awful gloomy world im in .. i know they are better off without me .. STOP i really know they would be as they would be doing alot more things going to alot more places etc etc .. thats just a lil smidge of my frustrations .. i mean i could really pull up a chair and spill here but i dont want to BORE you all x
im fighting a addiction aswell which in iteself is a friggen frustration !!! .. trapped is a understatement .. i hardly sleep – dont go out – have no friends – fight my unreality 24/7 .. im waffling now ……………….. i dont even know what im waffling about …
hi tbt
i have also thought about hanging myself .. quite alot actually …
do you want to email me emmaallison123@aol.co.uk xxx
Sit next to me on a bus and you really are bonkers. But that’s ok. I am too.
Is there room on the seat for me too… A big group hug.. Im bonkers too duke x
Yeah, but me and this women live in the UK. I have thought about death at least 3 times a week ever since I can remember probably more since I’m on this site every day but that’s not what I want for anyone else.
This women is looking for a suicide partner which isn’t me. I sortof get a vision of hugging someone and feeling something that I’ve been devoid of for so long. I’m disconnected from the world but I don’t really know anyone. It’s really sad when the only people you know are on Internet forums about suicide.
I take it out on myself but wouldn’t want anyone else to follow me. No one would know, I have built the wall around me to protect myself.
I read a story about a man and women who met like this and were both found immaculately dressed, dead in a car. So you go to all that effot to find someone why not give it a go. If your prepared to die with that person then surely…
Your comment is awaiting approval duke but ill rely to it anyway.
I know that lisa is lookibg for a suicde partner and while like you i think about suicide most days, my time to catch the bus is not here yet and i will be going solo. I cannot drag anyone else down with me.
I also read this story, in a girly magazine.. Maybe chat or love it? I am also from the UK.. I was trying to hint that shes not alone.
I know that my place on the bus is reserved, my ticket is booked im just waiting for my date to get on tge bus alone x
No your in moderation. Yeah, I know but if were aren’t alone then why does it have to be that way.
hey alll … if any of you wish to talk to me catch me on facebook …
https://www.facebook.com/depressednalone
update : thinking of you all …..xx hugs xx
if your still looking for a travel buddy contact me x