First, the blah blah. Â My mother wanted nothing to do with children, I was the only one she had that survived. Â The rest were aborted, but by the time she was pregnant with me in the late 1960s, with her being 34, she disappeared for days looking for someone to terminate the pregnancy. Â Finding no-one who would, and being a doctor herself, she tried various abortifacients (substances and treatments to induce abortion) on her own. Â Today, you can even easily find such things, though not labeled as such, at health food stores. Â That didn’t work, though I was sufficiently damaged at birth that I was […]
I was watching T.V and a commercial for anti-depressants came on…..It said how it could help you…blah, blah, blah but then something made me think; the blatant irony ….” side affects may include nausea, vomiting or the increase of suicidal thoughts in children, young adults and adults”….Sooo this medicine has a risk to make people more suicidal than they are now….. but its supposed to work against depression? Its not guaranteed to work but it has a risk to fuck you up in the head even more? On what planet does this make sense? Hell, they might as well give you a gun with a […]
angry again. why exactly i can’t really say. angry with myself, the world, everyone and everything. blah blah. that is what depression is -right? anger turned inward. self loathing. mind games where you set yourself up to fail. i will never win because i don’t believe i deserve to. i can talk a good game in therapy but that inner cynic is there to remind me of my unworthiness, worthlessness. the cynic is working hard to convince me that life isn’t all that it is cracked up to be. that i have every reason and right to tell everyone fuck you and off myself. the […]
Hello, kind and compassionate people.Â I am speaking to you.Â If you are someone who is just going to tell me, “No, don’t do it…” or “Jesus/God/Allah loves you and wants you to live…” blah blah blah, then I am NOT speaking to you.
I genuinely want to die.Â I have wanted it since the age of 12 when I tried to stick a chef’s knife in my gut thinking that would do it.Â I tried again at 19 by ingesting a bunch of sleeping pills.Â I am 39 now and my situation is much worse.Â I have chronic pain in my back and neck from […]
Am I the only one who thinks that when someone tells you to be strong or says some sob story about how you need to live is just a line of absolute bull? Because saying the same things someone else can say to you isn’t going to mean anything to me. I want a “I know it’s hard and I knowÂ I don’t understand it but I’m here to listen and I know you aren’t okay, but that’s okay because sometimes were all not okay….” type of conversation not a “You can do this you are strong, get help, I need you, you’ll be fine, […]
So, the morning didn’t go too well but that’s a given these days so blah, blah. I went outside to mow the lawn. Christ, is was hot. I checked my mail first – the box was crammed full – I have no idea when I checked it last. So, I finally get to the backyard with my mowing and I am so dehydrated because, well, I think I’ve been forgetting to eat / drink and I think, ‘God, I could die. Yeah, oh, freaking please let me keel over from heatstroke’. No such luck but I did decide to get a Medical Alert Bracelet […]
to be honest i’m not really sure what i’m doing on this site but i’m ust gonna go with it. I’m not trying to sway anyone into my thinking or anything this is just my own experiences and opinions. So I’ve read a few posts and stuff and it’s kind of strange but i feel like i can relate. People are saying stuff like “oh you won’t do it” and stuff like that but ppl will, they always do and that’s what’s wrong with this site. you shouldn’t test ppl. I’m just hoping to get some advice on how to kill this shit before myself. […]
My Names Jade And This is My Story â€¦…..Well , it all started when I was in 1st grade……yeah , early right? I was being bullied everyday , not like calling me names when they walk by , 12 boys everyday at recess , pushed me on the ground and kicked me and hit me and threw things at me â€¦…i tried telling teachers , and they thought I was faking , my own cousin tried stopping it â€¦.she would grab a teacher , and they didnâ€™t care either , I brought my mom and my mom even saw the boys kick me and beat […]
It’s true. I love Trevor. Ya know, when I was little, and I watched TV shows, I always saw the girls freaking out over the guys. They would always say, “I love the way he says my name…”. I thought they were crazy. But then I found something out. They’re not. I had an after school rehearsal today. I sat by Trevor. He said my name every time he talked to me. And I love the way he says it. Oh my gosh, he said, “Courtney, he’s talking about measure blah blah blah,” and I said, ” I think it’s measure blah blah blah”. A […]
I’ve been cutting since 7th grade. In 7th grade is when I first got bullied, some girl called me ugly, I told her off, she got her friends to go kick my ass blah blah blah. I dropped out half the year and decided homeschooling would be better for me, but no. It got worse, it lead to cyber bullying. I went back in 8th grade thinking it would actually be better since new people will come in, it was actually way worse than the year before. Rumors went around and what not. I left half that year also. During that summer, I made a […]
it seems that this site is mostly just a vent site, blah blah, and moderators pick and choose who has the right to speak and who does not….why did my comment, simply stating both sides to the “suicide methods” argument on here get spammed ?….it was a genuine comment, by me, about this topic….
I would like to here a legit argument for this, as my post clearly stated, that although I think the moderation of people discussing suicide, its methods etc is ridiculous for a suicide project website, I full understand the legal, moral issues etc behind this….and I think a link to my blog […]
I know. I know I’m only 13. I know I can’t be in love. I know I’ve never even gone out with the guy. But I think that, honestly, I love Trevor. But he doesn’t love me. This is why I don’t let my feelings take over. They always make me go back to liking him. He likes Kendall. Well, I mean, he should, considering they go out, but I wish he liked me. I know that everyone would just call me a slut for liking him, but you know what? I know what I am and what I’m not, so I don’t care. I […]
I’m only 17. I am going through shit right now. Exactly a year from today I was on this site. A year ago i felt like killing myself so badly that it had never got to me like that.
I will try to make this short and summarize everything.
My life began taking its downhill when i was in 6th grade. My parents got divorced and it affected me. I hated my dad. I never hung out with him unless my mom made me.
My dad always called me a hoe since I was in 7th grade. He never felt proud of me really. I […]
I’m chilean sorry if you don’t understand something)
It’s weird because in the morning I was very happy and I go out with a friend and blah blah but now like 30 minutes ago BOOM! I fell in “depresion” I mean I feel like a pity, like a fool again.. I don’t want cutting just I fell like I never do something right and I’ve been liying to everybody of who I am I want to be really happy… Not just for a while
And I have ,during a month, the feeling that the relation with my parents it’s made of plastic.. If […]
Ive been a “klutz” my entire life.Â I guess you could say that i was born that way. Its just so annoying how i mess everything up. It seems as if i can never do anything right and when i think im doing something right, it ends up being wrong. For example, today i was marching in a parade with my band. It went seemingly well, to me at least. The problem was that i couldnt stay in my horizontal line the entire time because the person in front of me was too far behind her horizontal line. So if i had gotten in line […]
So like an hour ago, I got a visit from 2 of my best friends here in Oxford.
One of them is a girl. Another is a boy, which if you read my last post, my crush.
I told them, I was drunk while I was in the State, I know I promise them not to get drunk again after that night in Oxford. They were pretty mad, which of course, they have absolutely right to, I deserve that.
They began to preaching me about being depress, choice to get drunk blah blah blah
And then they asked, why I have to be depress? when has this begin?
You know […]
I’m so f—— done! i just keep getting screwed over, i knew i shouldn’t have trusted her but i wanted my bestfriend friend back so much that i let done my wall that i had built up! Today at dance for my lyrical i got in the front line but off to the side! i’ve worked my butt off to get where i am now and i made a higher team than all of them so if anything i should be doing solos here and getting parnter parts and i should be in the center! not some newbie its just not fair plain! an in […]
i need to just kill myself already…yeah yeah: oh my god you so young you shouldent be here blah blah blah!! Whatever. i dont give a single shit. I dont belong here…ive know that since 5th…anyone got any depressing song suggestions i kinda wanna branch out in my music taste…
I’m done. Nothing I do is ever enough, and it never will be. My entire life has been one big failure after another, and I am so tired of trying.
Funny thing is, if you saw me on the street, you’d never know my life is a living hell. I’m “happy.” People are forever telling me how “strong” I am, blah blah blah, but I’m NOT. I just put on a good face. I go through the motions of daily life, but inside, I’m screaming.
Why do I want to die? Ha! Take your pick of reasons-I’ve got plenty of ’em! Let’s start with a little history, […]
So, my wife fucked another dude about 2 years ago and then left me for the guy I caught her with. Â I then got fucked over by the feminist judge after the Mrs. pleaded the BS “emotional abandonment routine” in court even though we had what I thought was a great relationship and now I pay her about 90% of my paycheck. Â On top of that she got the house, the kids, blah blah blah. Â Her and her family then got her sister to come out and said I had slept with her when I had not and she was 15 at the time so […]