Is my world real??

My life, the world i live in…  It confuses me so much now..  i try and write things down but have trouble explaiing how I feel because there is just so much to say…  A long time ago i started to feel like i didnt know what i was doing, i didnt know where i was going or what the point was anymore…  I fell in love with the tv show Doctor Who…   that kept me going… i obsessed over it…  I loved it, i created my own world where everything from Doctor Who was real. from that i kept obsessing over things. It was what kept me alive. being able to love something and find joy from it. I added Harry Potter to my world. A world where Doctor Who and Harry Potter colided and I was right in the middle…  I loved lying in bed and imagining my perfect world that i loved…  it began to get out of hand and I obsessed more and more and felt even worse in the real world…  Inside my head i imagined that i was actually trapped in this world and people from my other world were coming to save me. I would walk down the street and imagine they were there watching me.. trying to get through to me but couldnt yet do so…  i was trapped….   When things got bad, I would imagine my world…  create new stories… all in my head…  I know its not real but i want it to be!!  I cry myself to sleep…  I was abducted and brought to this Earth…  my loved ones in my world are trying to save but cant….  the only way out is for me to end my life here….  Every night i imagine my world….  Of Doctor Who Harry Potter and Superheros….   I love that world…..   I have everything…..   everything keeps getting bad…  I sit and add to my perfect life….  i imagine it… through different universes….

But getting so bad….   I know its not real but i start to think it is….  I see everyone from my perfect world standing on the patch of grass across from my house…  waiting, trying to get to me….   I know help is on its way…..   I believe this world is not real… I believe that the real world is full Doctor Who ness and Harry Potter ness and Superhero ness and Avenger ness……  and the reason I am obsessed with all that ib this world is because i am apart of it in the real world and it is seeping through into my mind here and i am break out of this world and find my way back home… im s0 confused and none of theis proabably makes sense to others…

I dont belong in this world…  I was taken and my mind was altered and i was put in this parrelel world ….  I know deep down that my imagination made all of that up…  But i want to believe it….   I want to know that there is a place where I matter….  where people understand me… where i am loved…  im not saying that i am not loved here…..  i just want my world to be real….   my imagination has created all of this…  because it is real…  this information is coming into my mind because it is coming from my real world…  People are trying to get to me… but i know (as much as i dont want it to be) that the only way to get to the people i love is for me to die….   why else have they not come to save me… after years….   they know and i know how i escape….   but i am scared….   i want to go home… but i people in this world do love me and i dont want to hurt them even if i belong here….

Everynight i imagine my world….  everynight i work on a detail…  i imagine a moment from that world..  i remember everything that was said…  relive it/ create it…  i believe that the moments and stories i create are actually memories…  this world is not real and i dont belong here….

I dont know what this post will achieve….  but i have to write it down and get my story out there….  i write things like this down every night in a book…  i fail at explaining this…  i know many wont understand it and the grammar is horrible……  but i just want tell my story….  i am 15 years old….  and they way i coped with emptyness was by creating a perfect world…. i now believe that world is real… thats is what happend to me….