since my failed attempt last weekend ive been thinking a lot. i talked to my friends (if you dont know what im talking about read my earlier posts) they said it just scared them and they didnt know what to do. so pretty much, they apologized and i told them what happend and why i was feeling so depressed and stuff. so it worked out and now everything is some what back to normal. (well its getting there at least) my boyfriend is still worried but i know hes just concerned for me which shows me that he really cares. my parents are going to […]
2cankeepasecret
i wrote telling that i was gonna do it.
and i did, but i failed obviously. i tried pills and ended up getting my stomach pumped and spending 3 days in the hospital. and to be honest im glad i didnt die. im lucky im alive but im still depressed. my boyfriend is worried about me and my parents think i should go to therapy. my friends wont even text me back and i wanna drop out of school. i dont know what to do anymore. im scared and im alone in this world. it seems like this whole thing made it worse than ever.
i decided i have no other choice…friday night is the night. i just think that maybe its my time to go home now. since this home was anything but welcoming maybe my home in heaven will be more happy and wonderful. i do love my parents and my friends and my boyfriend but they dont understand. ive thought a lot about this and i have no other way out..im a burden to my family and a pain to others. this will make everyone happy im sure of it. now all i have to think about it how and where.
yesterday i wrote my story on here. why i want to go, how far i consierd it and so on. and i find it weird today, its october and 70 degrees outside, beautiful and sunny and all i can think about is how much i’ll miss the warm feeling and the colors of a day like this after i go to sleep..i think i need to talk to someone. anyone. but im scared to. if i tell my friends they might leave me, if i tell my parents they might send me to the nut house. if i tell my boyfriend..idk what would happen then. […]
Theres a lot of things that i wish i could change or take back. But thinking the un-thinkable is not one of them. Dont tell me im crazy, or insane or wrong to be thinking about sleeping forever. im only 30% sure about it. but thats growing. i think the things keeping me from 100% are 1. leaving my family, my friends, my boyfriend(who i love so much) and 2. the fear of what happens next, after i sleep. is there a heaven? a hell? or do you just dream forever. now i know i said my family, friends, and my bf and your probably […]