How are people able to go so long hiding self-harm scars? I just simply don’t understand. I just want to know more about this. I mean I’ve done it before but never have been able to hide it for very long. How do people hide it for so long?
I can’t stop cutting. Now I can’t go more than three weeks without doing it.
I don’t do it very often, but when nothing else calms me down, I don’t really have a choice
I literally have the most horrible life.
So I wake up with constant anxiety and painful thoughts and memories and it lasts nearly every day all day. I also constantly wake up with sadness so extreme that I constantly cry and experience the most painful heartache as a result of this. I can barely go to my fucking classes at my school because of my anxiety and the fact that it’s so unbearably high. I also have certain thoughts that are very personal and I’d rather not discuss,and they all just get more and more painful every day. I am tired of this constant stress, frustration, anger, sadness, depression, lack of interests, feeling overwhelmed, and generally SHITTY life. I am TIRED of living this way. I swear if I make it through 2019 and still feel this way, ive decided I’m going to leave this life. Because this is getting ridiculous snd this has just been going on for too long. Think about it. A person can only take so much. I’ve been suffering like this since I was 11.5 years old. I am now 22. So I’ve basically been suffering like this nearly half my life now. And over the years there have been only more and more painful things that I’ve experienced over time.
Here’s the way I see things. Nobody asks to be born. So with that being said, why the FUCK should I be forced to live like this if I don’t fucking want to and I feel like I’ve simply suffered too much???????
Now ending my life is not something I want to have to do. But if I make it through 2019 and decide it was another bad year, I’m leaving this life. What I most want to happen is to live a normal peaceful happy life, but if that’s not going to happen then I will end my own life January 1, 2020. I don’t want to die right now. But if this continues for long enough, eventually I WILL reach the point where I’d rather be dead than live like this; because this has all been going on for far too long. People just don’t understand. Every year starting in January, since 2009 has been FILLED with bullshit to no end. So far I have had TEN consecutive shitty years starting in January. And I think 11 is going to be all that I can handle. I really hope I don’t have to take my own life, but if this continues all the way through 2019, chances are that I’m going to take my own life. Because this is insane and I’ve suffered an eternity now.
my life is only getting worse and worse every day and with only 5 days until my 22nd birthday im losing more and more of my will to live every day. Honestly don’t even feel like trying anymore.
I still want to die and wish I was never born. Death death death. All I ever fucking fantasize about nowadays.