I usually listen to rock/ metal but this track has been meshing well with my vibe. Given the aura here this week, I think it will mesh in good.
Faced some harsh truths this weekend. I’m probably just as, if not more heartless than I perceive those around me. The deep angry hatred for everything is growing. I’m conflicted. How can I be so full of hate and be so empty?
I’ve committed some unspeakable atrocity. In the name of self righteous vengeance. The sad reality, I’m not capable of hating anyone more than I hate myself.
My, wife, surely abuses me. But I guess I deserve it. I’m a terrible person. I’ve done and do despicable things. I have nothing good to give anyone.
I tried to kill myself long before her. I will again whether […]
About that time to enter the 7th circle of hell. As usual, the anticipation and dread is firmly setting in. I already know what’s in store.
It’s been a nice distraction writing Triple S, I hope it brings you all some iota of entertainment. Part 3 will have to be next week.
If anyone cares, or wonders, why I’m MIA, I’m banned from outside connections while battling the Hell Beast. Most likely I’m not dead.
See ya later,
A.O.
Dolores tucks her children into bed. Conroy stretches himself across their feet. His tail lightly thumping the bed spread. She sits at the edge of her own bed, examining the card. The money. She finds herself still bewildered, yet oddly comfortable. The first time in years she’s felt safe. The first time she’s been sure her children were safe. She smiles a new smile, a smile of hope and excitement for what comes next.
The same cannot be said for Dale. He stands sweating in his sweltering living room. Flynt, now approaching him, commands “have a seat Dale.”
Dale stumbles backwards into to sofa. “H-huh how do […]
Dale swerved his car drunkenly up his long sloped driveway, barely stopping before the big oak tree at the top. He stumbles out of his car, barely able to find his own legs. His family dog, Conroy, lays coward while tethered to the porch. Conroy’s tail tucks underneath him as he whimpers, sensing the state of of Dales condition.
“Shut up mutt” Dale slurs, approaching the dog in an aggressive, albeit staggering motion.
Suddenly flashes and streaks stream around in a whirlwind. Somehow louder than a sonic boom but quieter than a whisper. Conroy’s gone. Dale mumbles, rubbing his eyes. Still no Conroy.
Thinking he’s […]
Known as: Flynt Stryker
Ability: Pyrokinisis
Backstory: After years of abuse and torment, a fire grew inside Alan until it could no longer be contained. He rose from the the smoldering ashes of his wreckage a changed man. Vowing to protect others from atrocities. He is Flynt Stryker.
Game on, who are you?
My existence is fucking stupid:
The HIGhLIGHT of my life is work. While I spend 80% of my time here, I don’t mind the job, it’s just infuriating that I’m squandering my prime years.
My coworkers practically murder each other to be the first out the door. Not me, I’d rather stay. Menial grinding is better than the home war zone. I usually lie about when I need to be to work. Sometimes I come in early, others I nap in my car.
I’m isolated. I don’t try to make friends anymore. I’m not allowed to go out solo, I don’t want anyone to witness the […]
Here’s a few of my daily persecutions from my spouse. Please, comment on your perspective of who’s correct, incorrect, or whatever.
#1 It’s “Emotional Cheating” if I talk feelings to anyone but her, relative or not. Also, if I’m “There for them” in any circumstance. So yes, SP would count as cheating, to her I’m trying to bed all of you.
#2 It’s “Immature” to walk away from situations too intense or confrontational for me. I should hash it out till a resolution is reached.
#3 It’s “Unfair” to expect alone time. Work is my away time, all the rest is her or kids, but mostly her.
#4 […]
8am- scheduled wake up
10am- actually woke up
10:02am – ah fuck late again
10:05am begin caffeine/nicotine regiment
(Blank area)
12pm- work starts to go to hell
12:30pm- spouse is in melt down
(This continues as a back and forth on which gets attention, which sucks the life out me more)
2:30pm- spouse declares I’m the problem, relationship is over (not hopeful, never is)
3:15pm- work days fucked, with 10 hours to go, isolation is creeping in, the sun is too shining, happy people piss me off with their happiness.
4pm- me: here’s the issue
Boss: no that issue […]
I read the rules. I know I’m posting too much, or too often. I’ll probably get banned soon. Anyways, I just had an hour long conversation. With myself, using my voice, a Hispanic accent, and a possibly Swedish? Accent. Probably the best conversation I had this month. I’m so fucking lonely.
I know I’m just attention whoring. As my spouse puts it. Because I’m all about me. So there I said it. I care more about myself than I do about anyone else. I hate myself and want to die, so what good can I do anyone else.
Some song lyrics I wrote awhile back, without music I guess it’s a poem. Only sharing because I think some of you will enjoy it.
Part 1:
My shadows gone, today.
My own reflection, just looks away.
I’ve lost something, somewhere,
Down the road.
But it’s hard to remember,
what you didn’t know. . .
Part 2:
Sitting beside myself,
We didn’t recognize us.
So we parted ways,
Left myself in the dust.
Searching for answers,
No questions at hand.
Been looking so long ,
Forgot where I am
Part 3:
So I pour out a shot,
But I drink from the bottle.
And I figured it out ,
Somewhere near the bottom.
But when I woke up,
I’d forgot it all again…
Where to start, well, it’s pretty clear that 90% of my turmoil is the result of an abusive marriage I want out of. I’m here of my own accord though, I’ve chosen this sacrifice, this suffering, because reasons.
I’ve also come to realize, in some strange way.. I sought this. In some sickening way, I’m comfortable being depressed. I feel as though, I pursued someone to hurt me, to justify feeling so hurt.
I’ve been on here roughly a week. A common theme I see, is people just wanting someone, anyone. It makes me Stockholm myself, as if taking this beating is better than being alone. Especially […]
Love, is just an excuse to accept abuse.
Is there anyone who’s mere voice can ruin your day? Regardless of what they say you just pulsate with irritation. My head instantly starts throbbing.
Really just feel stuck against a wall. I’m joined to someone who wants to fix me. Sure my emotions can be intense. Ups and downs, but I’m OK with that. I have my vices and quirks. I’m OK with those too. They continually force me into shoes that don’t fit, then go off when I express discomfort. They bleed all the joy from the little things in life, they work diligently to prevent the bigger ones. Then mock my misery.
They sit me down for “serious time” to get to a deeper level of understanding. History has proven that just refills their arsenal to use against […]
If I were to do it…
By it, I mean take my life.
The plan would be creative,
Elaborate…
Full of spite.
With some rope I’d hang,
My feet still touch the floor.
Not enough to asphyxiate,
Just to numb the core.
A gun fixed behind me,
With pulleys and cables to the door.
So you can be the one to kill me,
Like so many times before.
Maybe then you can feel me,
Through my blood upon you face.
Maybe then you’ll see,
The folly of your ways. . . […]
Reaching out, maybe I’ll get some insight or relate with someone.
To start, I don’t want to commit suicide. I would however welcome the embrace of death. So if it must come by my own hands, it’s something that will take time to build courage.
See, I don’t really want to die. I’m just failing to see another option. I’m trapped, currently. Bound in captivity. Not a situation I can fight through. I’ve been fighting for years. Though I may win a battle here and there, it’s clear I’m losing the war. I can’t escape, or run away. There are many dependant on me. So what will […]
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