My existence is fucking stupid:
The HIGhLIGHT of my life is work. While I spend 80% of my time here, I don’t mind the job, it’s just infuriating that I’m squandering my prime years.
My coworkers practically murder each other to be the first out the door. Not me, I’d rather stay. Menial grinding is better than the home war zone. I usually lie about when I need to be to work. Sometimes I come in early, others I nap in my car.
I’m isolated. I don’t try to make friends anymore. I’m not allowed to go out solo, I don’t want anyone to witness the explosive volatility of my marriage. You guys here, pretty much my only friends. Since I joined, I basically keep a tab open the entire time I’m at work. Then, it’s like, this isn’t real. You’re all not real… I feel like this is just a figment of my imagination. Some of your stories, it’s like, I’m really fucking weak because at least I could fix my situation, but I don’t, because I’m fucking worthless sack of shit. I’ve actually tried to give advice to some of you. How fucked up is that?
Sorry I posted this. Sorry you read it. Sorry I came here. I’m sure I’ll be back. What else do I have? I’m just gonna go feel sorry for myself, knowing I’m too cowardly, weak, stupid whatever to change or end my life.
9 comments
I could have written this verbatim.
“I’ve actually tried to give advice to some of you. How fucked up is that?”
I know, right? I don’t know why I do this, but it has become my main activity this days.
If you’re gonna get shit from your ***** wife no matter what you do, why don’t you go out and do whatever you want to do? Be on the phone with your mom. Talk to people. Have a beer with some folks. At the end of the day, you’ll get bitched at anyway. So let her ***** away. She can’t do anything. Your life is already miserable. You know she won’t leave you. Stop being nice to her and let her control you. She’s a bully and you need to stand up to her. There is no other way, unless you want to live your life like this for another 17 years.
My ***** sister was like that. I finally had the guts to stand up to her one day, knowing full well I would get beat the fuck up and I would lose the fight, which I did, and had shitloads of bruises. In the end, I lost the fight but won the war. Should’ve done that YEARS ago instead of being too afraid to stand up to her. Every day she would make my life miserable. The power someone has over you is what power you give them. I know it’s easier said than done, but sometimes you gotta lose the battle to win the war.
I hope you find strength. :]
Dude, I have so many scars already from our fights. 2 domestic conviction from defending myself. She got 1. The last time I pushed back she smashed one of my limited edition guitars. Countless family heirlooms have been destroyed. Physically, I can dominate, but then she just plays victim. So it’s really better to just tip toe.
God I fucking hate myself…
You can’t physically do anything, otherwise she’ll call the cops on you. But you gotta stand up to her. You really gonna let her make you miserable for 17 more years, having to tiptoe every single day of your life?
I feel for you dude, but you gotta do something to change this. It’ll only get worse and what’s left of your soul will be eaten away, little by little, day by day.
I say this because you remind me of me when I was younger. The hardest thing is to stand up for yourself, but once you do it, you’ll feel much better 🙂
Remember Honey,
Some people like their misery and get comfortable. Its the Passion and Sex.
If you’re familiar with the movie Clerks, I’m Dante. He explains as a child, he shit his pants because the toilet lid was down. He’d rather shit himself than alter his surroundings.
It’s why I feel bad wasting everyone’s time. Even if you laid out a perfect plan, I’d still rather shit myself. In clerks, Dante gets his drive, gets Rosario Dawson, but here in reality, I just smell like shit.