ALLbeletsHAPPY

Every scar is from a plea, a punishment or a form of control. Not once was there ever one particular reason as to why i ever selfharmed.. It was just what i used to deal. Its been 5 months today since ive cut myself.
That was a shitty time. I tried to kill myself over a boy. Not just a boy but the boy was the breaking point. Had a really shitty breakup. We were both just toxic. And i took morphine and cut myself over 300 times. My family found out about my depression and “suicide tendancies” after i took myself to the hospital […]

But I wont because i work and im a good girl.

Hes halfway across the country and I want to run to him. Soulmates are real, i know because i met mine years ago. I wamt to run to him. I want to run to him. I want to run to him.

The other day i knowing the did meth. 3 days later im doing too much coke for my own good. Its 12pm and i havent slept all night or day. Im high as shit but i feel so low. Guess i probably am an adict but fuck it i guess. Makes me not feel a thing for a while. Makes me feel good. Makes me feel like Im gonna make it and then i start coming down and holy fuck im coming down bad. My head is spinning i cant breathe my lungs seem to be deflated. I just start taking these real deep breaths […]

I wish my dad would stop calling me when hes drunk.it would be easier to not be angry.
God give me the strength to accept the things I cannot change. (God is me in this case)

Some days i wish i never woke up
I wish i would have taken more morphine and let myself passout instead of puke
I wish i never drove to the hospital andi wish i never came home. Because now i have to deal with the pain of waking up every single fucking day. I dont fucking want to be here anymore i just want to go.
I just want to go.

I dont want to be here anymore. All i do is sleep and cry and sleep and cry. My whole world is turned upside down. I have nothing left to fight for. Guess ill get drunk and see what happens. 🙁 i wish id just die in my sleep.

This was sopossed to be a time for both of us to get our shit together. This was sopossed to be a time to grow and heal individually. But i dont fucking care anymore. Because you dont. You lie about sleeping. You stay up all night and dont even sleep all day. I send you money to fix the door. You cant even measure it. You say your gonna get a job but you dont bother looking. You literally sit there and dont take care of yourself and that was our ONE fucking promise to take care if ourselves.
And it fucking hurts me everyday […]

I feel done. I know im not going to kill myself but if a fucking bus hit me i wouldnt care. I went drunk driving last night because i felt reckless.

I just have a question for yall. If you were dating someone and they had pictures of them and their ex that were put away and never looked at and you found them would that be reason enough to get super angry and have serious trust issues?
Because i had pictures and he found them and i had to rip them all up and we broke up so i am trying to get ahold […]

Today is the day i leave my home. All my things are packed and im leaving back to my moms. I feel like such a loser and such a failure. I broke his heart and niw we are both alone. I want to just die. But i wont for him. He makes life worth it even if u dint deserve him. Im sorry. I love you. Ill miss you and our family and our home and our life. Ill miss you taking me to do things yiu hate just to make me smile. Ill miss being called beautiful everyday. But i dont deserve it. I […]

“Your deep down just a really terrible person. I dont want you to go. Why are you doing this to me? I cant even leave you or youll kill yourself. Why are you breaking my heart? I loved you with all i had. You liar. You whore. You cheating whore. You *****. You ****. I hate you. I love you. Just leave me alone. I looked through your phone. He wants you to run away with him. Are you being safe? You whore. I hate you. I hatw you. I hate you. Your a terrible person. Your not a good girlfriend. I hate you. Your […]

Im going to do and say as many nice things as possible today. Ill tell everyone i love them. Ill smile and laugh. And when i go home ill tell my boyfriend i love him and ill go shower and pray to a god i dont believe in that he doesnt check on me. Maybe ill just go for a drive to the nearest cliff. Either way. Im done.

I love this site. Im so happy i found it again. Im happy i found people i forgot about.

However because of my lies and my secrets i wrecked it all. I never told my boyfriend about the site. I never told him i started talking to people i care about again. So he found out. And because i lied a million times before he already doesnt trust me. So he found the site.

He found the site and he found old posts that would make someone jealous. He didnt like that i had to reach out. That i couldnt talk to him and that instead i […]

It doesnt matter who you love. The only thing that matters is who you have loved.

And because i loved a methed out junkie with all my heart and then got broken, and because i couldnt let go of pictures and memories because thats the only thing that was keeping him alive in my mind, im a cheating liar. It doesnt matter how many times you tell the guy your with you love them. It doesnt matter how mamy nice things you do. It doesnt matter if you go out of your way for them. All that matters is that […]

I dont know what to do anymore. Im depressed. My boyfriend is depressed. I hate my job. I hate the place i live. I hate everything and i dont have motivation to even get up in the morning anymore. I just feel like quitting my job and selling everything and running away. .

Does anyone want to buy everything i own so i can just go away and never look back? I dont want to deal with my life anymore. I just want to feel something other than pain and hurt and unmotivation. 🙁 and i dont know what to do when thats all […]

I just want to die.

I was sopossed to go to bed early so i could get uo early and go job huntimg so i dont have to work somewhere for minimum wage where they dont pay me for holidays and cut my hours on my pay.

But last night i stayed up late on the couch watching netflix, because my boyfriend was angry at me he just went to bed and i didnt want to go to bed with him angry.

I guess sometimes im easily offended and easily hurt. We went grocery shopping and he kept on bugging me. And then some guy walked by and he said that the […]

But on the plus side the house is finally quiet and its the first time i get to sleep in my bed for a week due to noisy drunk neighbours.

Maybe sleep will help ease my fucking life.

Ive been having some troubles logging in. Everytime i try to login i get to this page where it says im temporarily locked out of the website. It does the same thing when i tried to create a new account… I cleared my cookies and history and it worked but soon enough it stopped and went to the same page. Anyone else having this problem?

It would be really nice to be able to use this site.. It helped me years ago and i think it could again.