Of myself mostly, all I can ever do is fuck up. I say ‘some day I’ll fix it, i’ll improve my life’ and it never happens. It probably won’t happen. I’m going to be broke, sad, and lonely. All because of me. I wish I was never born.
Wrong!
They all think im ok now, im getting better.. Im getting through this with positivity.. Thinking happy thoughts. Yup, thats me.. Changing back into the old Zoe.. Newsflash.. Its a lie, and your all believing it, in fact im the exact opposite of what I tell you.. Im actually getting worse! Im back to cutting every night again.. And the thoughts of me ending my life dont gO away.. I think of my funeral, who would go and who wouldnt.. The song that y family would choose.. How many would be surprised, and how many would feel sorry for anything they said or thought […]
God. I’m sitting here in math class. My grades are slowly dropping. In everything. Its the end of the year, I just feel like it’s no use even trying anymore.
I don’t want to go on grade 11 just to fail or be close to failing again. It’s been like this my whole life. School is a mess. And so is life
Ffs. I havent wanted to actually end my life for a long time now. Not until these passed few days. Iv’e got a place to end it.. A note in my head… I just have no idea how many and what type of pills I should take. I mean.. Even if I knew what to do, i wouldn’t even know where to get them. God damn it. If anybody wants to talk, please feel free to email me.. Please. zoebear_1@hotmail.com
~Zoe
People tell me that with time, i’ll start to feel happy again. I guess its sort of right. I always have my happy moments, but somehow it has to stop. Something always wrecks it.
Today my mom broke up with her boyfriend, he was such a good guy to her.. She really deserves a person like him, i just think shes afraid to get attatched again since my parents divorce. Anyway, she got rid of her bed because it was his, and she is sleeping on the floor for a while. I wanted to give her my bed for the time being, but she would […]
My mom told me when I lived in my hometown and was not even one yet that when people had a bad day, theyd ask for me because just my presense cheered them up. People always tell me how noce I am. And how happy i am. And how much I fucking make their life so much better. Ive had people tell me i’d be a good therapist, and thats what I should do in life. Im known for helping people out.. But when it comes to me, I get no help. I have tO go through this shit alone. No one stops to ask […]
Well. Life just keeps getting shittier and shittier. I thought I was ok. I thought I can do this! Im stronger then this! Then I fall. And i fall hard. I thought I was ok so I went to a party. Had a good tine then my world fucking crashed. I just balled my eyes out downstairs. I truly wanted to die. Again. It will happen one day. Im goinig to crack and just do it. One day im going to be gone. The world will go on without me. Years from now my name will be forgottwn. None of this matters.
I guess not […]
Its been a while I guess. Yesterday was going to be the day. I had it all planned, i was going to die. It wasnt until my friend from a different country, who I have not yet met, asked me if I was ok. She told me some things she once went through.. She told me how much I meant to her and others. That it wouldnt be the same without Zoe.. It was emotional, made me seriously think. Do I actually want to die? Sometimes yes. But there are those precious moments in life that give me the will to go on. I dont […]
So just an update. I have no internet at home for a while so.. Yeah.
Basically life is hell. I always find reasons why I should off myself.. Then I find reasons to luve, but the easiest thing right now would be death.. Iv’e been thinking its ok for me to die because i have nothing to live for. Ive been struggling for too long. I just want to be happy.. Or give up. I dont know what to do..
-Zoe.
I haven’t been on in a while.. Ah well, latley my mind has been thinking of death.. I cant get it out of my mind but its weird cause ill think it, then my mind argues with itself.. I say “no zoe are you insane?! You cant just die.. ” i also get this feeling of emptyness.. Life is passing me by.. I can feel it. Somethings wrong..
If anyone would like E-mail me at zoebear_1@hotmail.com
-Zoe
I dont usually cut my wrist cause its hard to hide. Its usually my tummy, legs, or privateish area, sometimes the top of my arms. Whatever its called. Anyway i just had the urge to slice Up. My wrist. So I did. And i never thought about this but this semester I have art. We are making paper machae masks out of chicken wire.. So basically tomorrow im starting the paper machae and Im gonna have to pull up my sleeves. Please help me hide the cuts. Asap!
Hey all. Up until 5 days ago, I cut myself every night. I decided I need to stop. It was not helping anymore, and it was becomming a huge problem. or should I say it is a big problem. yeah.. yeah it is. Today I couldnt help myself. I cant cope with reality. I feel like we have no purpose. We are born, we die. There is nothing to live for. Im lost in the universe. Im just afraid of what is and what there could be. And all the shit going on in my life. Moving, parents divorce, alcoholic dad, annoying sisters. no one […]
So i dont know its been a couple of days since i decided im going to stop hurting myself. I havent failed. But my emotions are everywhere. Im a mess. I just want to die, i havent thought how id do it, but last night i dreamt i hung myself. And i felt the almost life draining out of me in my dream. It was amazing, i felt relieved. Then i woke up, and im still alive, thinking to myself, i wanna die. I just wish it wasn’t so hard to leave all my loved ones :'( i dont know what to do anymore. If […]
Today i woke up and my mom was gone so I went outside a smoked a joint. Before it finished my mom came home (im not hiding it from her just keeping it to myself) so anyway i quickly put it out and ran inside to my room to put the roach away.. It ended up stinking up the whole house so i went to the bathroom to have a shower and get ready when my mom knocks on the door.. She told me she needs to talk to me and i got scared she found my razors, and when she told me it was […]
Well, im going to write here everyday. Just to get my thoughts out.. Just to know someone is reading and listening to my story, cause somehow I feel a bit better knowing at least someone knows my story..
Anyways, my mom and stepdad(who might as well be my dad.) divorced about 6 or 7 months ago and i listened to their wedding song.(lets stay together – Al Greene) im not going to lie it tore me apart. I miss having a stable family and i hated sharing my holidays with my dad and family without this seperation. i HATE going for weekends, and having to […]
Im trying to take my mind off things.. Iv’e written books, essays, music, I draw, I listen to music. What/How on Earth do I do to take my mind off things?
So, I guess i’ll tell you about myself. My name is Zoe. spelled Zoe pronounced Zoey. Iv’e always been a happy kid. or so everyone thinks so. no one really knows how i feel. they don’t bother to look past the smiles and see the constant pain and emptyness I feel. I shouldnt be complaining though, ive got a roof over my head, clothes on my back, family and friends. BUT IM NOT HAPPY!
When I was young, and id get stressed or sad, id bite myself and scream into my arm until I felt relieved. It always left a big mark.. it felt good. […]
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