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I wonder what it’s like to have a normal relationship with food, to not have your every waking thought be about food. I went to the doctor to change my antidepressant and I had went from 170 to 191 in two months, and I wasn’t even taking the antidepressant so that’s not to blame I’ve always been like this. I don’t do normal teen things, I don’t go out much, I don’t talk to boys, I don’t even go to school anymore and it all comes down to my weight. It’s always I’ll eat what I want today and starve tomorrow but it’s like tomorrow […]

I don’t know why I am so angry recently. Everything and everyone makes me so mad and it’s like everyone around me is so stupid. I just don’t wanna be around anyone, I don’t wanna go to work, all of my family is over for dinner and I don’t want to be around them, everything they do annoys me. I also don’t want to be around others because I don’t want to be here at all I feel like I just want to disappear. I feel too ugly and fat to be seen by anyone, and I feel like I really want to die right […]

Sometimes I feel like there is no point in living because I feel like all people are bad. I feel like society only cares about looks and they are so mean when someone isn’t skinny or fits the beauty standard. Or they are probably racist or homophobic or something, they care about money over people. There are times when I just hate everyone, everything they do just irritates me and it’s like everyone is just so stupid. I know that I’m not a good person either, and probably only feel this way because I hate myself, but at least I don’t judge people over insignificant […]

I went to the doctor and they put me on antidepressants and anxiety meds but I feel like they do don’t shit except make me binge eat because I feel hungry all the time. They don’t make me feel better I just feel numb and empty, I can’t cry or anything. I went to a counselor too but I didn’t even know what to say because I just felt so numb, my mind went completely blank. Also the session is supposed to last an hour but I was waiting for 15 minutes and then her computer froze for like 30 minutes and she was trying […]

Everywhere I go I feel like everyone is watching me. Its embarrassing going anywhere the way I am, I hate my body and I want to change it but I always fuck it up. I hate going to work looking the way I do, its so embarrassing. That’s not the only thing though, I look around and see all these people who have friends and a life, and I wonder why I can’t just be normal like them. Why is it so hard for me to just do normal things? I have completely fucked my life over in every way and I don’t think I […]

I don’t think I will ever be happy. I’ve tried everything I can, things will be okay for a couple of weeks and then it always comes crashing down, but I never feel happy. I either feel nothing and completely empty and then I feel everything, I don’t know if it’s because I suppress my feelings for so long to try to be better and then I finally feel all the pain I was holding in. I have tried, I’ll eat healthy for a while, take care of myself, focus on school, stop cutting, I even got a job. But I can never keep up […]

Tomorrow is my 16th birthday but I just want to die, I wish I was never born. I feel like such a failure, I don’t have any friends and I’m failing school. I heard my parents arguing about me earlier, I know I’m a disappointment and my dad constantly reminds me . I don’t want to celebrate life tomorrow I want to end it. I’m so afraid of what will happen when I die but I can’t stand existing any longer.

All I think about is killing myself. All day I fantasize about dying or how I will kill myself. I don’t even feel sad that much anymore just numb. It’s the worst feeling to feel nothing at all.