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I don’t know what to do.

by alwayslonely

I’m feeling hopeless. I hate my life, I hate myself. I want to get away from these people, my family. They’re all racist, homophobic, sexist, and just hateful people and I don’t want to be around that. Yet they make fun of me because I care about people, how can they possibly think I’m wrong and they are right when their views are so hurtful to other people. I can’t wait until I’m old enough to move far away and never have to live here again, but I don’t know if that can ever happen. I know it’s my own fault but I’ve felt so unmotivated to do anything, I gave up on trying at school, what if I can’t get into college or get a good job. What if I can’t get away from here. My life will always be shit, it will always be pointless, and I know that this is my own fault and I should try harder. It’s hard to see any point in trying being the way that I am, I just can’t be a normal teenager. I have social anxiety and I can’t connect with people, I got home schooled because of this, I only had one friend in school now i don’t have any. How will I live my life in the future if I can’t make connections with people, I’ll always be alone. I hate myself, I hate the way I look , I’m too ugly and fat to be seen by anyone, I have no talents not good at anything. I’m completely worthless, I’m a failure and everything is my fault, no one else’s. This is just pointless, my life is pointless. I’ve asked for help, I try to ask my mom for help but she doesn’t seem to care. I don’t want to be here anymore, there is only one way that I can escape because nobody will help. Why won’t anyone help me? Does she not believe me, that I’m suffering, that I’m in pain? Is the only way for you to believe me is if I end it? I wish I had someone, I wish someone would listen to me and take me seriously. I wish someone would help me. I don’t know what to do.

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2 comments

Holy_Requiem 6/11/2020 - 9:22 pm

You still have your youth ..not that it’ll mean much to you right now but some of us here wish we could have played the game properly in life back then. Stuck to education, maybe grit it out more. Don’t expose ourselves to negative people, environment and situations.

Protect your future memories from despair if you can. All the best to you.

mountaingoat 6/11/2020 - 11:15 pm

That’s a tough situation alright.

All I can say is hang in there. There is some reason you are in this life, even if it’s a tough one. Maybe especially if it’s a tough one.

At some point you may reach your limit though, but if there is some plausible way to go into tomorrow, you should.

I hope you can find your way out of that negative family environment. No one needs that shit and you are better than them if you disagree with their hate. They sound like very stupid people.

You are young and you would not believe how much life changes as you head into your twenties. Some people really blossom. There is no way of knowing if you will be one of those. Give it a chance at least.

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