AndreDA

I’m afraid I will have to choose soon. Choose between suicide or dying inside long before I kill myself. It’s just… I can’t take the pain, so somehow, slowly, I just stop feeling at all. Pretty soon I won’t feel love, I won’t be myself anymore. Empty shell. I kinda want to die when still being myself… For the past week I’ve done some really nasty things, and had a lot of fucked up thoughts, and I’m not that person. I don’t want to be that person.

I actually wrote about this in my first two posts here, over a year ago.

“I almost forgotten who I […]

I’m just getting weaker and weaker every day. This world brings me so much pain that even looking outside the window tears me apart. I feel hopeless, like I’m trapped in some medieval torture device and can’t escape. I’m afraid of life and death, both options just scare me so much it’s hard to breathe.

Life? Decades of suffering, loneliness, working a job that I will hate (if I even will get any job at all), growing old alone, dying alone and sick… all the moments that I will cry, wish for death… I can’t imagine actually living, outside, working, talking to people. It all seems […]

I want out, I want out, I WANT OUT! I’m so tired. I can hardly breathe it hurts so much. I don’t want to die, but I can’t live in this fucked up world and I’m so alone! If there is no God then it’s all meaningless, if there is a God I HATE HIM because he is so cruel. I just don’t want to exist. I want out. I can’t kill myself now, it’s too hard. Fuck i just don’t know what to do, I just write to make myself feel better maybe.

I want out.

Hi. This will probably be really long. I just found this site yesterday, lots of different posts were showing in google when I searched stuff about suicide, I feel so bad,  I’m fighting for my life literally every minute for the last few days, never been this close to suicide before.

I feel so hopeless.  I really don’t know where to start. I’m 20 years old and I seriously want to kill myself for 5 years now.  I have been to psychiatric hospital twice in my life, first time when I was only 11. The last time I advanced in school was when I was 13 […]