It’s not at all that I may be having second thoughts, contemplating whether I have made the right choice or not. It’s just although I don’t want to be here now, I feel sad that the old me can not continue living. I guess I just wish that the events leading up to my decision had not have happened. I could continue to live my innocent and naive life, unaware of its dangers and pain. Should I do it tomorrow, why not in a few days? I don’t want to be here anymore, and I am 100% sure of that.
That’s it, unless something sudden and dramatic happens that changes the way I feel (like my mum and brother die in a car crash – I cam dream) I am going to do it. I can’t actually get myself to say what I am doing because I see it as falling asleep, only you never wake up. It’s peaceful and calming, its freedom and happiness all in one. The ‘S’ word used to describe it sounds malicious and destructive, so I’m going to fall asleep, pass away peacefully. Thank you for all your support and I hope that someone out their can help you.
I’m sat in bed, crying. I feel pathetic even writing this but I have nowhere else to go. My mum just took me out to go to B&Q with her. On the way I said ‘I would like to go home.’ She pulled up and asked me why. I said ‘I don’t know what I want to do because I don’t want to do anything, I don’t want to be here.’
She took me home. On the way I asked her if she was currently suicidal, she said no but she had been not too long ago. I said, ‘Next time you feel that way maybe […]
I guess what I’m trying to say is although I’m miserable, depressed, suicidal, I don’t want to feel different. I’ve felt like this for so long that I can’t see a way out, and if it did miraculously appear I doubt I would take it anyway. I feel safe, just me, alone no one can cause me pain I have been through. Only I can upset myself or make myself feel better. I am all I need, and so why not die? Is it selfish of me even if I did want to stay, to be a burden to my friends and family?
The reason making […]
…in that dark place. I fell out with my mum yesterday, I thought it was just another petty argument but she took it too far. She started ranting about how she can’t deal with my ‘problems’ any more (I have severe depression). She said that she understands why my brother doesn’t like me because half of the time I am horrible to him, only she didn’t mention the part about him sexually abusing my younger brother and sister (who were taken away) for three years. I don’t want to be here anymore, my mum doesn’t want me, nothing needs to be said about my brother, […]
The name of the post kind of says it all, I was so sure I wanted to die. Up to the point where I had everything planned and ready, down to the exit bag made and the helium under my bed. I felt happy and in some ways free at the thought I would die. And although I still wish I would die in my sleep or fall of a cliff or something I do not feel ready to take my own life.
It started about two days ago, I was sat watching TV when I saw a women with her three children. They were the […]
I don’t know how long I can keep doing this for. I had planned my suicide for last Tuesday but I got really drunk on Monday and told my auntie so my mum took me to hospital. Now everyone’s pretending like it didn’t happen. I have my exams in less than a week and it’s just another insignificant thing on top of everything else. Although it isn’t a priority teachers and college in general are making me feel lazy and stupid. I wish I could just end it now, go to sleep and never wake it. I’m not scared or upset that I want to die anymore, […]