The name of the post kind of says it all, I was so sure I wanted to die. Up to the point where I had everything planned and ready, down to the exit bag made and the helium under my bed. I felt happy and in some ways free at the thought I would die. And although I still wish I would die in my sleep or fall of a cliff or something I do not feel ready to take my own life.
It started about two days ago, I was sat watching TV when I saw a women with her three children. They were the most beautiful thing I have ever seen in my life. They looked so happy and full of energy. I’ve always wanted children and said that if I HAVE to do anything with my life, it would be to have my own. I hope that I can get through the new few years (I am only 17) so that I can do this. If not, I suppose it just wasn’t meant to be, much love Sarah.
2 comments
Hi Sarah
That is a great feeling, keep hold of that and try to not over analyze it too much, just take comfort in it to keep going. I can relate, also have my exit strategy ready, the noose hangs in the bathroom and my syringe with drug to put myself to sleep is right next to it. A week or so ago I also felt that I wasn’t ready, but still to this moment cannot say why (because I am still suicidal).
You are so young and really should keep going. If you want to have children in a few years then you will totally be able to do that. It is a wonderful thing. I am happy that you do not feel ready to take your life, hang onto that hope.
Thank you so much for your reply, it makes me sad that others are feeling the way I do and if anything I wish I could help. It was good to hear you say ‘try not to over analyze it’ because that is what I generally do with everything in my life. I hope you are okay.