” All I think about is trying to avoid awkward embarrassing moments, and for some reason I feel like everything that I do in life is a big stage set exactly just for that.”
-Fiona Apple
I read SP, and it reminds me of Charles Xavier using his precious Cerebro machine. SP is the world view of Cerebro, and each post is a person crying out for help expressing their inner pain and suffering. This leads me to my next thought. Lets all join together, pool our resources, and create an extremely depressed Utopian compound. Don’t have any money or a job? Who cares, we can all donate plasma, semen, and eggs together, perhaps even a few organs! That should afford us enough money to get by with enough sustenance to pay the bills + a pretty dope internet connection.
Here […]
I was reading through old posts on this site, and so many have that lovely luster of miserable, cynically morbid, humor. It seems posts have really lost the beautiful biting use of profanity, that humorous anger that can really grab my attention. I understand we are all miserable and shit, but FFS learn to laugh at your life a bit. Look at your phobia, and realize how irrational and unreal they are.
For instance, the other night I was having an existential crisis because I was focusing on that ugly fact that environment molds my every thought. I am simply a victim of the proximal […]
Our political system in the United States is terrifying. Our campaign finance system, our propagandist media owned and operated by the very people financing the government, the English Language and politics, and so on. It’s astounding how our country has been immersed in thought control. No idea or political issue is fresh or new. Every person is fighting or representing a meaningless ideology or cause. It’s like everything is never what it seems, and everything is a distraction. I am not trying to validate any current conspiracy theory, I just feel as though there is never any transparency. Politicians and the people representing our interest […]
While reading “Politics And The English Language”, an essay by George Orwell, I stumbled across a few interesting ideas that can be applied to my maladapted mind, which likely is the same for many others. In the essay Orwell talks about the decline of the English Language, and what I think is the innate nature of the human mind that leans on “convenient” ways of writing and thinking. He highlights our tendency to use archaic phrases and metaphor to express meaning in writing and everyday speech. He criticizes the works of unoriginal writers who use preconceived metaphors to express ideals which result in a skewed […]
I heard my step-brother talking about how he used to think he knew a lot, I think more in reference to medicine and about the body. That now he has been in med-school for a few years he knows much more than he used to. Now this normally wouldn’t bother me coming from anyone; I may come off as jealous with this observation, but from this braggadocios fellow it seemed sickening in a way. I mean in a way if you look at his realization, it’s as if in some way he was humbled by the fact his younger self realized he wasn’t really […]
I am an addict, and I’ve attempted suicide several times. I haven’t been dependent on my parents in years, but because of my rather dramatic and reckless lifestyle they have made gracious gestures to assist me in getting better. This assistance comes with a heavy price, and as a result really leaves me in a state of inner turmoil with anger directed at people who believe they have my best interest in mind.
I have been on an annual cycle for the past few years, and it seems like understandably enough everyone is getting sick of it. Seems like my family doesn’t know what to […]
Watching the O.J. trial reenactment thingy?
It’s a grand ol’ time, you all must watch it. Johnnie Cochran is my hero now I think. Wish I was a resident in Los Angeles, of age, and selected to be on the jury in 1994.
O.J. was innocent imo…..
I am feeling so damned depression, feel myself nearing the outskirts of stability. So sick of fucking living in my mind. Wish I could talk to people, and extract some joy out of it. Wish that I felt wanted, wish I had something to interact with socially, and I don’t want it. It’s all a fucking joke. It’s all my mind, my brain chemistry, my destiny maybe (?), I got no fucking clue what it is, perhaps it’s my ever dwindling and fluctuating self confidence. I have no ability to focus, all I do is mindlessly watch television. I look at sp, and the posts […]
I don’t have bad days I have a bad brain, send the townspeople to lynch me please.
The satiety center in my brain is on overdrive craving entertainment, but my appetite for joy is like anhedonic quicksand enveloping every attempt at satisfaction. I have been searching for something, can’t really say what it is.
At times it feels like I need social interaction, but nothing really curbs that needy feeling. I can hardly talk to my closest of friends. My old internet community doesn’t feel welcoming anymore as I pissed the majority of them off (imagine that =P.). I can’t find a place to call home really, not any longer at least. I sought out an old girlfriend, our relationship formed into […]
Why?? Well it’s simply a douche-y thing to do. Don’t get me wrong carrying a pocket knife can be a very useful tool, let me clarify, I am specifically referring to a combat knife of some sort. Playing with a knife, sure it’s something to do with your hands, and you can get lost in it for a moment, but I find that people who collect, play, and display their knife sets to be a particular type of douche. I know, I know, it’s what makes a person happy that’s important, and seriously I am all for that, but I have a difficult time understanding […]
Going to eat some lovely sushi with an old friend of over a decade, who I also work with. Life seems like it could have some possibly good out comes. The loneliness is diminishing, I am growing closer to my friends, and I feel like my life might turn around.
Spent the past 8 years as a hermit, but every year around this time, I have to get involved with all of my old friends. Is it my last moment grasp to hang on to the world that is slowly slipping from my fingers, or am I just in that “mood”. Feel like when I […]
I am momentarily happy, made some good decisions, while also being a bit impulsive. Of course the impulsive is a negative thing, but I am generally deluded, so I think I have it under control. It’s a flaw in judgement and inhibition, as if the impulse center in my brain has grown rabid, viciously pursuing euphoric pleasure or joy. However, I find that I am very capable of redeveloping that self control, seems tonight taught me a lot of things.
I found out that living in a hedonistic capricious way is liberating, and it allows you to stifle the constricting grip of life’s hardship. The […]
I am considering it with true intention this time, I really am. The things I am dealing with cause me endless stress, and truly weigh on my well being. I am not sure yet though, I just need to see what the next months ahead hold for me. The happiness I have been experiencing lately isn’t overriding the urge the way it was before. The urge has grown and become progressively more persuasive as I linger in fear and depression. Not to mention the idea of admitting failure. Moving in with a relative is something I simply refuse to do. I know that sounds pathetic, […]
Kik code for a group 30 large all from SP!
Scan it by swiping down in your list of conversations.
You know when you see another’s mannerisms, and they’re unique and interesting. Just the way they carry themselves catches your eye. It’s so fascinating to me that a person can be imbued with such rich qualities that down to the way they behave unconsciously is welcoming and full of life. It’s amazing to me what another person can do for your life, good and bad.
i feel a deeply warm feeling from some people, those who really actually care. The quality of the conversations about nothing that still yield joy. The feeling when they reach out, just to ask how you’re doing, it’s […]
Frankly at this point I enjoy my life quite a bit, yet I can’t shake my suicidal ideology. I’m in massive debt, I feel like at some point it will all catch up to me, and I will have to choose between have my checks being garnished or committing suicide. I have substantial medical bills coupled with all consuming all powerful student loan debt. Who would of thought the mistake of going to college enforced by my parents at 18 would have had such a resonating effect. I’m going to be paying somewhere around 35% of my monthly income […]
One of my current first world peeves includes the sent, delivered, and received indicators on messaging applications for smart phones. The two big ones in particular are whatsapp and kik, I find myself in a perpetual struggle to direct my attention away from them. They add an agonizing level of suspense to every conversation, and when on the receiving end they add an overwhelming obligation to reply to every message a friend gifts you. I feel as though I’ve been robbed of my anonymity, and the sanctity of a lie has been turned to rubbish. I can no longer say, “I was away from […]