20 years…. 20 years have passed now since the day I discovered you hanging down from the ceiling. A rope around your neck, your eyes staring into the void, your cold and pale skin. Even though I tried to forget, you got back to me, every single time…. That rainy and cold day in November…. when you decided to leave us forever burned into my memory, scaring my mind and my sanity. But I can’t blame you, Dad, for doing what you have done… As I got older I started to understand the reasons which made you choose death over life. And now, as a […]
BallerinaOfDeath
Miserable, worthless, loser, useless, clueless, ugly, unattractive, scared, dead…..
My mind is spinning and puking all those words…. and I don’t know how to stop it…. I think my head is going to explode, I start hearing those noises again….. Please don’t come back, please don’t take me back……I don’t want to experience this again…..
My jealousy has now reached a pathological level. I am jealous of everyone and everything good that happens to other people. Sometimes I even think that those people don’t deserve that much happiness, while others have to suffer so much emotionally and/or physically. Why are some people so lucky in life? Why were they born in families who love and support them unconditionally? Why did some people just get the perfect genes/looks which make them feel comfortable in their own skin? I really wished I could experience this feeling of being comfortable in my own skin or even of loving myself. That’s something I’ve never […]
Many of us might suffer depression, but quite a few people here on SP seem to have a partner in real life to give comfort. I really really envy you…. I really wished I had a boyfriend… just someone to hold me while I could hold him too. I haven’t hugged nor kissed a person for almost 9 years…. And I’m craving for love on the inside. But in real life, I’m either too shy to approach someone or I seem to be socially awkward so no one really wants to get to know a fucked-up person like me. I really get jealous seeing couples… […]
just someone to listen to me…..
Murder lives forever
And so does war
It’s survival of the fittest
Rich against the poor
At the end of the day
It’s a human trait
Hidden deep down inside of our DNA
One man can build a bomb
Another run a race
To save somebody’s life
And have it blow up in his face
I’m not the only one who
Finds it hard to understand
I’m not afraid of God
I am afraid of Man
Is it running in our blood
Is it running in our veins
Is it running in our genes
Is it in our DNA
Humans aren’t gonna behave
As we think we […]
I just can’t take it anymore… seeing all those “happy” people, couples, families with children. Everyone seems to be so happy and content with life but me. Why am I the odd-one-out? Why can’t I experience love as other people do? I just can’t stand it anymore, I just can’t stand being the miserable one. Why did I have to be the person with this one fate? It’s not fair….. it’s just not fair…..
What is it like to be in love or have a real connection with another person?
It seems like I can’t remember this feeling anymore…. which shows me how sad and empty my life is…..
Let’s share some dirty little secrets (strange habbits, sexual desires, hideous thoughts or actions…..)
what word would it be??
I never thought I’d envy some of my patients of the IMC Unit for being so close to death. Nursing them, listening to their thoughts, regrets, wishes at the edge of life and holding their hand during the process of leaving somehow made me feel peaceful and relaxed as if I was not seeing a person die but rather a catterpillar metamorphosing into a beautiful butterfly and leaving the cocoon back in this cruel world. It might not be my time, but I can’t wait to metamorphose one day.
Since I can think I was forced into a role for which I was not destined. I was educated to be a small porcelain doll that my mother could be proud of. Never thinking anything naughty, never doing anything bad, keeping my shape, keeping my mind together, always being delicate and pure, thinking of being destined for something better. Mom, allow me to tell you a little secret…. I never was the person you wanted me to be, I wasn’t destined for that life you were planning for me. You forced me to smile and act as if everything was ok so people could praise […]