I have so much I want to say, to just vent everything out so maybe it wont be so present and I can get some sleep…
But I just can’t find the words. My feelings always represent themselves as movement, images, colors, etc. in my head… How could I possibly translate “bright streaks of pale green collapsing into melted maroon before condensing into solid ice” into words that make sense?
Kitten
I’m realizing that I’m nobody’s first choice… I think I always knew, but it’s come more sharply into focus lately. Even those who say “you’re the most important person in my life”…they’re just words.
Actions speak much louder.
I posted here a few days ago while going through a bad pain attack, just stream of consciousness, whatever I could make my fingers cooperate enough to type. Got a few kind responses (which I’ve only just now read, want y’all to know I appreciate them) which was nice.
Funnily enough, the very next day was the best day I’ve had in years, at least physically, and a pretty great day emotionally as well. My boyfriend and I got to help my dad move some stuff – and even got paid decent enough. I was actually able to do a lot, my P.O.T.S. didn’t act […]
i just want it to stop
pain always pain never stopping never letting me breathe I’m hurting and crying and hiding from everyone so they don’t know how bad is i don’t want to hurt them worry them anymore i just want it to stop i really can’t do this anymore i can’t
i don’t know why I’m writing this i can’t even think straight i don’t know why i come here nothing helps
maybe just trying to take my mind off it or show someone this is me this is real and its shit fucking bullshit
i don’t want to be here i don’t […]
The temptation to take all of my pills is extremely high tonight…
I’m sure I won’t, I’m still determined to keep my promises, even though nobody around me keeps theirs.
But I want to. I want to so fucking bad it hurts. And nobody but y’all will ever know.
Just wondering if there are any other disabled/physically ill people on here. I know most of us suffer from mental illness and the physical repercussions from it, I’m just feeling pretty… Idk. Lost and alone sounds so lame, but that’s the best way to describe it. I’ve tried reaching out on forums and such for disabled people but that hasn’t gone well, they tend to be all “just have hope! You’re too young to give up!” or even get angry that I’m suggesting my life is shitty at all…
Idk, just looking for anyone going through something remotely similar.
Anyone ever wonder if someone on this site is actually someone you know? Like what if I was your sister or daughter or friend? Can’t say as I know anyone who would come here but my dad (And… His typing Style is incredibly Distinctive…)
How do you think you would you react if you found out?
Just felt the need to put this out there – periods are the most pointless, idiotic, horrible, bullshit things in existence. Yes I know that’s not an objective statement, yes yes they’re biologically necessary, screw you I’m right.
I don’t understand why we would evolve this way (or why our men are one of the only creatures whose genitalia is just flopping about, waiting to get damaged – but that’s another topic entirely) or if there is some sort of “creator” what kind of twisted sadistic prick they must be. Some of you ladies out there may be blessed with mild periods, but I was […]
There’s not much change that occurs in my life, hasn’t been for a long time anyways. Things happen, loved ones die, but ultimately everything more or less continues just as it did before.
One such constant had been these “depression cycles” I would experience. Everything would be mostly fine, then I’d break for a while, cry often, want to die or self harm (though I can say I haven’t attempted either in serious fashion in about three years now due to a promise I occasionally regret keeping) but eventually after a week or two, I’d go back to “normal” for up to 4 months, usually […]
(I always dream in third person, rarely do I look like myself. Sometimes I’m controlling my character like a game, this time was like watching a movie. I’m typically aware that I’m dreaming.)
…Where am I?
This maze of concrete looks familiar… Ah, parking garage. I always get nervous in those. So claustrophobic feeling. The open air of the top is worse though, especially in a car. It feels like you could just slip off the edge.
But I don’t seem nervous at all – in fact, I look pretty happy. All dressed up in my favorite outfit with my cat ears and tail. I’ve […]
The pain never ends. I take the pills I had to fight for, I use all the techniques I’ve been taught over the past 7 years since this began, I surround myself with things I love, and distract myself as best as I can.
Still, it’s there. Eating away at me, at my resolve, my very soul. I want to die because I cannot live. I couldn’t finish school, I can’t work, but I’m “not fucked up enough” to get on disability.
I’m a burden and a poison to everyone around me, no matter how much they deny it. I see the effect I have […]