im 15, and people have started talking about my future. asking me what i wanna become when i grow up.
and im not even going to be alive by the end of this year. but i cant tell them that, and they grill me with questions.
dont tell me im too young. maybe im young, but im dead tired.
im an outcast. i wish i was normal, i wish i wasnt this broken. maybe they’d like me then. maybe i’d be accepted. but it wont happen. i dont know how to fight the demons in my head and i have no energy left to do so. where my heart should be,its empty. if you look close enough,in every picture of mine,my eyes just look dead. they are dead. arent they the windows to your soul.
im completing the process; the date’s may 24th. its a friday. noone will know,probably. this time it will work, i have everything i need im sure its enough to […]
im alive, im breathing,yeah. but i feel dead inside. there’s this empty place where my heart should be. i try to hold on so so hard for those who’d care. i know that some care,even if its just a few. some really try to help me, in every way possible,but obviously noone can tell my brain to stop talking. my mind continuously haunts me,my thoughts are impossible to escape. and i dont like the demons in my head. i don’t know how much longer i can handle being in my own skin,i’ll never be able to explain why i feel this way but i do. […]
I’ll start of with this, im a girl, a teenager, who’s constantly thinking about death, has panic attacks very often, loses control of myself at night sometimes, i just love the idea of causing harm to herself.
but these things..I don’t want them to be a part of me anymore, i want to move on. I want to hold on to the littlest things in life,i want to survive this. until maybe around 12 hours ago I was just so ready all i needed were the right pills. but certain people, in my life, they just mean so much to me and i know that […]
im gonna end up sounding like a shallow whiny ***** but why why why am i so ugly? being ugly is somehow the source of all my problems. my life would be so much easier if i were pretty.i hate being me i want to be so much more. i hate my eyes, i hate my ears, i hate my smile, i hate my nose, i hate my teeth, i hate my shoulders, i hate my arms, i hate my body, i hate my hips, i hate my legs, so that pretty much sums it up, i hate myself. when i say im ugly, its […]
i can’t fake it anymore. can’t hide the tears, come out of the bathroom stall like everything’s okay. lie lie and lie to people that im doing fine. it just won’t happen anymore, the fake happiness is gone. i can’t do it anymore. im already dead inside, sure the scars are gone,but i feel numb. and im fearless, bc what more can life put me through? im sure now ive said that im gonna have a terrible time, but what’s left? been through people coming, leaving, lying, bitching, breaking your trust,your heart, going against you, loneliness, sexual abuse, death, health issues, self harm, family issues, […]
In my last post, I’d shared how I felt, after taking the pills. I was finally satisfied..thinking that everything will be over soon. but it wasn’t, they weren’t the right pills. I’d been devastated in the morning..I was just so unhappy, I’d never cried so much, as I had when I woke up today. but as I went to school, led my normal life, some things got better..I felt happy, at some point I was so happy my stomach hurt. I felt okay,throughout the day when I had the worst beginning ever. it made me realise something..maybe this is God’s way of showing that He […]
so i took them, the pills. I just hope this time it works, this time nothing goes wrong. ive had too much. im not strong, im drained of the energy to deal with everything. i hope everyone’s life goes well. i dont want help anymore, i just want it to end. noone can know, it wont make anyone feel better. not many cared for me, but whoever did i hope everything gets better for them, hope they find someone to replace me soon. i pray my mom will be fine, and my little brother too, he kept me alive. i hope my dad will be […]
Im here bc i need to pour my heart out somewhere rn. what better place than here, in public, to people who feel what i do? i used to post regularly on this, i’d always try to look on the bright side of things, try to hold on. but what bright side? what do i hold on to? there’s nothing,anymore. im tired of being my own hero. i don’t plan on staying here much longer, maybe until the end of march, little before april starts, maybe around 20-25th. i really don’t know how to tho, the pills i tried last time did not work. i […]