He’s the only person who would actually want to listen. Nobody cares. But my feelings get invalidated by him because they cause him to have a panic attack, and I don’t want to hurt him by bringing it up, which makes me feel like more shit. I know it’s not his fault it’s just I… I never get to talk about myself to anyone causing everything to always be internalized so I end up telling myself to kill myself at least every hour. I plan on killing myself everyday. I know how, I just never do; I lack motivation…
demoncat
I’m very very selfish. I really do want to help people, and I think I do. I really want to help my boyfriend and I think(?) I do.
I just feel jealous, jealous because I feel like no one ever helps me. I think I’m just not grateful yet I feel shit feeling like I’m not acknowledged.
(I’m going to be posting here every night because writing feels so so good… Some of it may be quite random)
Why won’t they listen when I say I’m going to kill myself. When I say it’s going to push me over the edge. Why won’t they stop seemingly trying to push me over the edge.
Can they really blame me if I rebel against their expectations of me to be perfect. I have panic attacks if I’m not perfect. It’s not like I don’t want to study. It’s not like I don’t care. I just can’t. I can’t do it. I can’t keep waking up everyday feeling like this.
I don’t even feel bad now. Not as bad as usual at any rate. But I’m still feeling […]
I don’t know what I’m doing. I don’t know why I still exist. I feel like shit constantly most of it is actually feeling like shit but not it’s just turned into a constant feeling of shit because the people I love whom I want to listen won’t or can’t listen.
I need them to listen. It’s going to kill me.
I’m new here. I don’t really know what I’m saying. I just know that I feel like absolute shit. My partner is truly amazing, I love him so so much. I wouldn’t imagine living without him. Without him I wouldn’t be alive. But we both have severe undiagnosed mental issues. I think his are worse than mine, but it may be that it seems his are acknowledged more than mine (in AND out of our relationship). Whenever he feels like shit or has a panic attack etc I blame myself which just adds to all the anger, guilt and depression that I end up taking […]