DepressedFilipina

I decided to write this note after our discussion yesterday (Jackie and I) that if ever my students would know what I would do to myself may be they would felt bad or down about it, maybe.

To my babies in grade 7,
Don’t feel bad, dont imitate what I did to myself. You still have a lot of days, months, and years to fix yourself. You have all the time in the world, never feel down for something I decided on my own.

I hope you’ll cherish every moment I spent with you as I would also be thankful for the wonderful time you made me […]

Today my **** heard about this idol who committed suicide. She said and I quote “Maraming nag-aagaw buhay tas papatayin niya lang sarili”

Wtf? What a nice mindset. Great way to start off a conversation about depression but of course unless you want the person to kill her/himself without thinking too much about it.

You know what? Dont you dare compare the feelings of someone depress with someone else because we all have different demons inside us, we’re all in different levels of hell, we dont fight the same battle and we’ll never be.

She even added “bakit wala ba syang pamilya? Kaibigan? Sinasarili niya kasi”
The type […]

Update to myself: still alive despite everything

I’ve been experiencing hair loss. Not just the simple hair loss in the bath but the type you have even in the bed or pillowcases. Whenever l leave my bed there were certain amount of hair on it, same with ponytails or putting towels on my hair.

Even when I just hand comb my hair there would always be some hair coming along my hands.

But the more bad thing was, I’m not even afraid of what’s happening to me.

12-27-17 (8:34PM)

What an awful life it is

There has been shouting everywhere, the place was filled with curses I dont like to hear. I felt so helpless, being in the middle of their endless fights is very exhausting.

I can only feel pity to myself coz of having this fucked up life.

My head is filled with melacholy I dont even know where to put it anymore.

12-27-17 (8:29pm)

Our dog passed away. Seksi baby, wherever you are I hope you are happy. Whatever happened to you today, I just hope God never left your side and made it easy for you to leave this world.

I cried a lot for you, I may not be the owner I should be to you but you’ve been the greatest pet for all of us.

Bye seksi hope you’ll guide all of us, like you always did. You will be missed.

12-23-17 (10:33PM)

Can’t define the feeling I’m having
Feels like everything is shaking
I think I’m bit by bit falling
As it keeps on hurting

Can I stop seeing?
The future I should be having
Lord turn me again to nothing
Cause I’m tired of fighting

Why am I the only thing
That is this wrecking?

Maybe I’m not born to live
Or maybe I was born to leave

I felt so hurt hearing everything from someone else. Hearing how incapable I am is something I’m used to but hearing it not directly coming to the person hurts more. It felt like I was being mocked without even knowing. I thought […]

The walking mess is back.

I once again begun another journey of making other people’s lives miserable. I, the useless shit I am, is now the coz of another disturbance.

Cant I make something good for once?
Even not for myself but for them

11:09PM 11/27/17

Honestly different from how people see suicidal ones I’m actually amazed by them rather than feeling pity. I see them as a very brave person. Because for once they have finally thought of themselves rather than the others.

I’m not that brave to choose myself that’s why I’m still here. I cant choose myself over those people who love me.

Suicide is a means of escape for us suicidal people. And if you chose this path, that does not only mean your being selfish for yourself, but it also means you’re freeing yourself from the pain and that I think is bravery.

11/22/2017 11:49PM

“Erasure means wrong” I never really thought of its meaning other than how it was used in the classroom setting. But now this kinda made me think of more. I somehow manage to connect this with my life. I know to myself I didnt chose this profession now that I see it I can never turn back time and erase my decisions. Erasing what I did will just make everything feels so wrong.

I stayed longer than I expected. Now, I’m on my 4th year, someone who have heard my qualms before wouldn’t believe I would get to where I am. Coz here I am, still […]

I saved this on my notes, I’ll just publish it here so I could delete it there.

Day I dont know what
11:28pm
I can feel the heat within my body. I dont have flu tho but I could feel my skin burning
I have backaches, and I also feel pain in particular parts of my body around my torso to my head
Its been days and I never get the enough sleep I needed. I can’t sleep at night nor in the morning. I easily rise early in the morning, I’m a very very light sleeper.
I sometimes feel dizzy and my eyes feels weird […]

Hi everyone!

I’m only 18 years old and I live somewhere in the Philippines.

I have a complete family, they dont hurt me physically or something. every now and then we talk about things, I sometimes find myself laughing with them. But sometimes it feels like they dont care about me.

There’s always this time that it felt like they dont care about what i feel. they say words that really stucks in my mind. When my brother needs something they just give it freely without any explanation needed but when its my turn they just look at me or sometimes asks me for a very long […]

Hi new in here.

I’m just looking for a site that I could put all my problems into luckily, I saw this site and I hope this could help me somehow in coping with my life.

that’s all.