Last monday marked the year mark since I tried to commit suicide, it’s been a very hard three years, somedays I just break down crying wondering how I ever got to this point in my life. I’ve been this way my whole life, I can remember suffering with depression as a child waiting to grow up thinking I would grow out of this. Thinking that the heavy sadness I felt was just a phase. It’s a sadness that has taken over my life and i wonder how different things would have been if only I had, had the courage to seek help when I was […]
I’m 24 but i feel like i’m 16. Â This sumer has been the longest one ever I feel like I’m hiding from all my friends so that i don’t have to answer the question what are you doing right now? Whats next? Hows school?
What am I doing right now?! I”m trying not to fall off the edge every day feels the same and I’m wondering why am I still here why didn’t I die? Â I see news reports every day about innocent people being killed and i wonder why are they gone but i’m still here? Â Why couldn’t it work? Â Why am I so useless […]
You let it happen! You stood by and let her say and do whatever she wanted if its any wonder why im messed up I only look to who raised me. You never stood up to her or said anything. When I needed you the most to be a father you made your choice clearly you supported her when I needed you the most! How can one man be so different in front of people and be a whole other person when there’s no one around. I know you can’t protect me from everything but you could have protected me […]
Dear mom
How can you be surprised? After everything that’s happened over the last few years how can you be even be shocked that I’m angry with you? After everything I’ve gone through and all you could think of you! I neededmy mom and my dad to support me and you could only see yourself. I needed someone to hug me and tell me it was going to get better that this was a rough patch. You couldn’t be there for me and help me through my two weeks of hospitalization after trying to kill myself because how dare I try […]
I’m Angry today I just want to scream but I’m bottling everything inside like I always do. It’s my mom I can only hope she never feels the way she makes me feel so invalid, and useless, fat, ugly, and horrible just rotten and hopeless and a failure. I keep thinking about trying to kill myself again Bur doing it right this time like jumping off a bridge or hanging myself. I get angrier with myself everyday I look in the mirror and I just want to tear it down and never see my reflection again. I hate myself right now […]
I know for a lot of you out there you’ve tried and failed. Â Have you ever wondered why you’ve failed? Â When I was in the hospital i walked around in a daze the first two days and cried a lot in my room. Â My breaking point was my third day when I broke down crying in the hospital shower wondering why I was still here? Â How did I fail? Â I took a mixture of sleeping pills and anti-depressants and tried to overdose in my sleep. Â It didn’t work.. I’ve tried to work through my feelings about trying and failing. Â I wonder what the purpose of […]
As Christmas approaches i know this is a very hard time for a lot of you out there, myself as well. Â Lately I’ve been trying to see the good in life and search within myself for the strength to get myself through the holidays. Â My day’s seem long and hopeless i’m just hoping that christmas passes quickly this year and look forward to the new year and thing’s getting better.
I’ve screwed up a lot these past few years i’m really trying to rebuild what was broken.. I’ve always been a people pleaser and lately i’ve been trying to focus on just doing nice things for […]
I don’t know how to make it better I don’t know how to stop these feelings from always coming back. Â Sometime’s it feels like I can banish them to the far regions of my mind but slowly they creep back. Â It was always so easy for my parents to believe I was bad that I was acting out and drinking because I was just a screw up. Â There was so many time’s I wished I could go to them. Â The belief that parents will always be there to love and support you is a farce. Â And when they desert you it seems that everyone else […]
People always say that its going to be o.k. that pretty soon everything will go back to “normal”… Well what is normal? Â Since everyones normal is different i’m not even sure what my normal is…being happy sometimes it’s effortless and sometimes it just feel’s like a role i’m forced to play so that everyone around me doesn’t have to ask why i’m down again..
I wish i knew when thing’s would start being “normal” again.. i tried to kill myself almost three months ago and i still don’t feel like myself i feel like i’m just going through the motions.. people ask me what i’m doing […]
My name is Holly i’m 22 & i feel so lost. Â I’ve been lost for over 5 years now and I just don’t know what to do every year it seems like i’m sinking deeper and deeper and that i’ll never be able to keep my head above water. Â I tried to kill myself for the first time this summer I don’t know how to feel that i failed. Â They say i’m lucky that this is my new begining, sometimes it feels like i failed at everything else so of course i failed at that to.
I miss feeling clean and good this feeling of dirtiness […]