Author

emwhy

I am a twenty year old college student hoping I can get myself back on track towards happiness, purpose, acceptance.

suicide is my unattainable fantasy.

by emwhy 9/28/2014

written by emwhy

I feel tired. And emotionless. If I can’t feel joy, fine, I’ll choose pain as a close second. Most times I have to smoke or drink in order to feel that pain. It’s almost cathartic.

I go about my days wondering why the fuck I’m still here. The way I think, the way I do things just never seem to match up with how the world works. My personality isn’t exactly the most pleasant which holds me back in almost everything, including job opportunities and relationships. It scares me. I’m not doing anything, not contributing anything… not enjoying any part of this fucked up sedentary lifestyle. Let’s […]

9/28/2014 3 comments

four.

by emwhy 8/4/2014

written by emwhy

My last attempt at “100 days of happiness” is laughable. I got to day two before saying ‘fuck it’, so now I’m back to good old fashioned venting posts.. hence the numbering “four”. I guess I’m not cut out for that gimmicky bullshit. But I get a pat on the back for trying.

So today, it finally dawned on me that I need to lay off the carbs and sugar. I seriously feel like complete shit. Aside from the expected bloating, lack of physical energy, gain of ~6 pounds in the past month, constant breakouts… I’ve been feeling mentally slow, sluggish, lackluster. I woke up at […]

8/4/2014 7 comments

day two

by emwhy 7/25/2014

written by emwhy

Spent quality time with mom and got a new pair of shoes for seventy percent off.

But the best part of my day was hearing from a friend who I haven’t seen in a few months. She asked me for some advice regarding a farewell gift for her co-worker. It’s always enjoyable speaking with her. She is an absolute sweetheart.

7/25/2014 0 comment

day one

by emwhy 7/24/2014

written by emwhy

I’m behind on social media, what with the lack of smart phone and all but I thought I’d start something like a “100 happy days” log. I may be getting a new phone next month with a functioning camera but for now, I can only post words. What I once saw as a boastful and patronizing project I now understand that writing out the positive parts of your day can surely have therapeutic benefits.
It’s really just for personal documentation but if anyone is reading, I hope you can draw some inspiration or hope from this. Even though days often seem long and empty, there can always be […]

7/24/2014 0 comment

three.

by emwhy 7/24/2014

written by emwhy

Sometimes I have off days but tonight I feel a surge of energy and hope. Every day is a blank canvas to rejuvenate your life, edit your story. I have an agenda for tomorrow which probably contributes to this new-found optimism. I’ve forgotten how rewarding it feels to set goals, actually work towards them, and obtain results. The most crippling thing I can do to myself is sit at home and give in to lazy indulgences. I’ve been putting off my responsibilities for far too long.

I’ll start my day with a cardio workout in the morning. I’ll reply to my little Brother’s email from BBBS. I’ll start […]

7/24/2014 1 comment

two.

by emwhy 7/23/2014

written by emwhy

I am glad to have stumbled upon this safe haven where I can be as ruthlessly negative as I please. Sometimes it feels good to just let it out.

7/23/2014 0 comment

no one is exempt.

by emwhy 7/22/2014

written by emwhy

I turn twenty in September. I stand at 5’4”, 123 lbs, and am generally a healthy eater. I played the piano for seven years when I was younger and received copious amounts of praise for my talent. I enrolled in various activities, from fencing to tae kwon doe to art classes. I graduated high school with a 3.96 GPA and seven Advanced Placement courses under my belt. After all that, I was accepted into a prestigious university and ready to blossom into a confident, intelligent, self-sufficient and successful young woman, to break out of my shell, to take on the world.

I haven’t blossomed. In fact, I’ve completely […]

7/22/2014 7 comments