Life……it’s a complicated thing for many people. Some of it is brought on by ourselves, though some of it is thrown upon us outside of our control. Both good things and bad things work that way. Sometimes you have to take a step back to see the full picture to not get lost in the details, and sometimes you have to take a closer look at things to find your way through the forest. Balance won’t always be the same. The scales can shift. The weights can slide and you have to be ready for when they do. Not everything in the future is foreseeable […]
I need relationship advice or I will lose her. It is that simple and complicated at the same time. A lot of my faults have to do with my previous experiences. Experiences that have to do with suicide by others and my own desires in the past as well. I have never made it 100% past those wants or desires………but I can manage those and would not consider myself suicidal at this point nor have I been for a while now.
Still the honor roll!!!! This was a post from obviously a while ago. These people meant a lot to me back in that time. I was actually getting back on to see if these people are still active on this site currently by any chance?
SP Honour Roll
written by @
12/23/2014
Bisban (Morlock)
Clevername
CyanidesOfMarch
C4 (and his various aliases)
Dawg
DeathDreamer
Distant.Road
Distress
Duke of Marmalade
Koji
Nias
OnlyLoveisReal
PainNLife
Persa (and her various aliases)
Procel
Quaero
RealTalk30
Rocketman (and the Hot Tub Gang)
RogueShadow (I forget the numerals)
Searchingformeaning
Shepherd (RogueLonesome)
Snuf (and his various aliases)
Stendarr (and her various prefixes and affixes)
StruggleOn
Thanatos (and his various aliases)
Tristeza
TheWhispersOfMySins
Xanadu (and his various aliases)
From time to time I still find myself overwhelmed and just wishing all was over. I fear this will never fully go away. It’s been building up for sometime now. Longer than normal, stronger than normal. Ever so slowly imploding. Back to drinking myself to sleep cause I really don’t know what else to do. Even that has it’s limitations. Work is what I use typically. Just focus on it day in day out. Let’s me simply ignore or avoid what I can’t handle or can’t control…….that’s becoming me now though.
The pain is still here. I can drown it out. I can muffle it. But I’m just a shell of a person wandering around. Withdrawn to where it feels more than awkward to be out and around people when it wasn’t so before. Opening back up on command isn’t as easy as shutting down anymore. Desire to end things lingers as well and always has. Thoughts of such are being provoked more often than not now. What do you do when you feel that you have more reason to leave than to stay? Given life more than a chance just existing for the past 2 […]
Ok, so suicidal thoughts linger. Will they ever totally dissipate? Perhaps or perhaps not. I don’t really know. If I had to say, I would lean towards they will lighten but never just go away. Once you learn know or relaize something, it’s not like you can just purposely unknow or unrealize it. The partial truth behind ingnore is bliss. So with acceptance of the fact I may never be able to fully revert from suicidal thoughts and desires leads me to the question of what can I do to cope with them? My mind running on the topic of ways to kill myself and […]
Hello, this is Justin. I have been reading something’s here and there. I haven’t posted cause I don’t know what to say or how to say it. I found a couple different comments from people asking about me and looking for an update. Well I am alive. What happened was I didn’t go through with it. I called the police myself and they came over. The fire department took me to the hospital. I was there for a couple weeks. I have been out just over a month. I am trying. And that’s about it. I don’t want to get too deep into it all, […]
I am still here…I am trying…trying to live.
My name is Justin Jay Smith. My date of birth is January 26, 1988. My SSN is ***-**-****(included in paper copy only that was left on site). I died from self-inflicted wounds the morning of February 26, 2014, at the address of 3099 Kirklevington Drive Apartment 152 in Lexington, KY 40517. This is my “suicide note” and “letter of intent” if you will.
I will start by saying I loved you Amanda. I truly am sorry for how things turned out. I did try. I messed something’s up, I know. We all make mistakes and mishandle things or ourselves from time to time. I […]
My name is Justin Smith. I live in Lexington, KY. I am 26. Talking with everyone here has been truly uplifting. You are all so awesome in your each and individual ways. I had the privilege getting to know a few of you and got to share thoughts with a lot of you. Thank you for that. I am at piece with this. Not all situations can be fixed, nor are all situations worth holding onto after broken. My life is broken. My heart is broken. I would not say my mind is broken, but my spirit is broken and my will is broken. There […]