I need relationship advice or I will lose her. It is that simple and complicated at the same time. A lot of my faults have to do with my previous experiences. Experiences that have to do with suicide by others and my own desires in the past as well. I have never made it 100% past those wants or desires………but I can manage those and would not consider myself suicidal at this point nor have I been for a while now.
6 comments
6 comments
To begin with; understand that you only have 50% of the input into whether a relationship will work, and that’s the most you can get. It takes two willing people.
Most of the time you have an expectation mismatch. People often over or under estimate their their enthusiasm and ability to perform various relationship essential tasks. The only advice I have is to correct the record. Give your partner your honest feelings, though you might be careful about phraseology. Pure honesty can be death to a relationship, as can secretive behavior; it’s a balance of telling what needs to be told, then informing more as needed.
hope that helps. Remember regardless of outcome; you are important, you are worthy of love, and you are capable of giving it.
Thank you for your comment. It’s reassuring to see I’m not the only one who would think this way. I feel she is not trying or willing hardly anymore. It’s causing fights and arguments alone. I have asked her if I’m holding onto something that is simply no longer there if she just wants me to quit. She says no. I do not know how to make her understand the relationship does take two people and she is not picking up her side at this point and that I cannot carry that for her without further upsetting the issue. I think she truly feels she is trying………it is obvious to me she is not. Her recent choices and actions have been for her and only her and is not for us. It’s only hurting us and I tell her this and it’s not seeming to matter or anything while she claims otherwise. She claims she still wants this but it has been slowly falling apart for a while now and is certainly at the brink of breaking at this point. I no longer seem to have my say in this relationship. And that is very hard for me to deal with as well and is only causing anger problems for me and that is affecting us as well. She will not listen to anything it seems while I given complete example full reason based logic for everything I’m trying to get her to hear. It literally feels like it’s not being heard simply because it’s me saying it. How to continue without further breaking it I don’t even know.
Hello,
Can you expand on what advice or a pointed question about
Your situation.
I’m not an easy person to deal all the time yet that is also why I have friends. I can be a very stubborn bullheaded person. A very passionate person in doing things. I am very strategical driven by logic and reason. I am a very caring person as well. Have help so many people around me some immensely others lightly usually just what’s needed. I am a person with my emotions cut off for connections with others…..for many reasons. I can certainly still manage day to day social life but it’s noticeable to all my friends and her as well. This would have a lot to do with the suicidal things. And those who committed. One I just found. The other was actual from this site and she did it in front of me when I went to visit her.
Even loving her and caring for her I believe that is causing the problem now making her not believe she is cared for or loved. She is also feeling as though I will not listen to her though I will. I certainly consider everything said. Logic and reason just simply doesn’t favor what is always suggested from simply wants. In fact it rarely does. I rarely get what I would want or like myself because of this. She feels it is all against her. It’s not. She knows I want to be with her and care for her. Just the harder things have built up with her overtime. I think she believed she could deal with it all. It’s seeming like she cannot now.
Hey brother, good to see you around again.
Going by your responses above, I’m going to suggest that you take a step back and make a real sound appreciation of the situation you are in. Like, I’m the last person who ought to give any relationship advice: but what you’ve detailed has “detrimental” written all over it.
Short of confronting her with what you’ve told us, I cannot see this progressing in any meaningful way in its current state. You have to protect your energy since it’s the one thing that’ll keep you tethered. Don’t exert yourself any more than you know you’re capable of doing so without any further negative effects.
All the best to you, and it really is good to see you again after all these years.
Hey Shephard. It is good to see you after all these years. I appreciate you taking the time to listen and offering advice. I’m still trying in life and in everything in general. So I’m still around and it warms me to so others from then still are too.