too happy, too depressed, too tired, and too hyper, so weird i can feel all of that right now. wells i guess its better than complete sadness XD :/ XD :/
u r just like every other guy i trusted with my heart, i a was convinced u were different. u were better to me you are perfect then u make yourself distant. i didnt say anything! u just silently left me alone i feel i have just been stabbed u said yourself u were different that u wont hurt me. ha that quickly turned to BS. why wont u answer me. i dont even know what we are anymore. i told u everything and u left me with nothing but tears. cant u hear me? of course not, u want ur ex back anyway u […]
nothing. nothing is ever good enough. im never good enough, my bf totally hurt me but im too stupid to get out of the relationship, nothing can make me happy, nothing. im useless and worthless, i cant win any battle so might as well give up maybe at least that can be good enough?
yup. i shall cut tonight. i think i may have hope to make it through another night but i must see some blood!!!!!!!!! im so mad at myself and all the stress i cause people. i make myself miserable. i dont deserve anything but scars and tears:/
nobody does about me, they dont show it. no one would even notice my non existance.
starting to think about it that thought makes me sick. too bad its true:/
why? i just want to give up. be dead. im sick of pain i have felt it enough. im miserable, i cant sleep, im too stressed to do anything. i wanna end this forever take me on a free vacation to peace. i am on my last nerve to just do it tonight get rid of the pain and set me free. yeah i should do it tonight i stalled last night and ended up being miserable til 3am i dont want to do that again:/ i wanna do it NOW.
why am i. oh that’s right. haha cuz i have no life. FUCK THAT LIFE U WIN! LIFE ISNT FAIR AND THATS EXACTLY RIGHT!!!!! I got it i shall take a plastic bag cover it over my head tonight fall asleep and viola im gone. it will suffocate me to death and maybe wont even realize it! YES I FOUND MY WAY OUT OF THE EARTHLY FUCKING HELL!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
wow, it scares me who i have become in just 15 years. i remember being very young 0-6 didnt give a fuck bout anything mainly cuz i was happy i lived in beautiful California had great parents (who gave me whatever i wanted) then a week before my 7th birthday my sister was born. then my life changed our house was way to small for a family of 4 so a year later we moved we were stuck in ahotel for 2 weeks before we finally got the keys to our new house which to me is way to huge for just 4 people i […]
yeah thanks mom and dad for screwing my dream of being a model. yeah i knew it was unlikely anyway but u criticize me for taking pictures of myself thinking im doing all of it for attention FUCK NO! yes i know i may be beautiful but im no size 4 u still have no right to flat out say “honey, your just not skinny enough they will destroy u put u on a diet to lose weight i dont want u to become obsessed with size look at me dear im fat and can careless u should do the same” u have gotta […]
yes its clear. there is no explanation to life. if so what is it?
ok WHAT DOES THIS MEAN???? for the past freaking week right before i wake up i have this dream that im very pale and frail (opposite of reality) and im just falling in this white hole that is eternal but its not just white there is also splattered blood around me and all over my hands and clothes? then right before i wake up i hear my boyfriend’s voice then i awake in a huge silent house full of sleeping people so now im awake. What Would This Dream Mean???
no really? whats good about me. NOTHING.
i am having this horrible time i wanna give up but i wanna have hope though now i have none i fear being alone i cant put up with being lonely. i CANT BE ALONE??? :/
i dont get it. why. why is the world fucked, why do we have bullies, why do we have shallow people if omfg people could just be nice to everyone do u really think people would feel as worthless as they do? i dont think they would. why cant people have faith in everyone, why is this world fucked? maybe thats where the saying life isnt fair comes to play but what just cause life isnt fair we have thousands of people who feel worthless and the need to die? that is the most fucked up thing ever in this world! why do we have […]
ok so im not completely alone my sister and friend is here but that means nothing but not being hit my dad is home too, but came home looked me in the eye and said i have destroyed him he now wants nothing to do with me. haha he wonders why i wanna move out..get a clue damnit! my mom is shoppin i sit here in bed bleeding all over my white sheets and blanket i took a very sharp pocket knife and slit my arm deep. the pain is intense but to me looks beautiful and relieves some of my pain. i wanna die […]
i just dont see anything anymore
i had goals i had a future i had hope i had a purpose but thats the problem i fucked up and now im lost i dont know what to do i tell people what i used to see they respond that i should give up not litterally though cuz i have no nerve fuck yeah actually i do i can picture death so vividly it makes me want it more painless and free yes damn thats all i want i wanna be done im already dying externally i just need to be dying internally i want and wish […]
shivering crying scared. this isnt fair i give my sister whatever she wants so she wont beat me. yet in return she still does it since she is always in trouble she wants me to feel the pain when already im in a lot of trouble she doesnt get it sure my parents annoy me but its my sister who made me so mental she manipulates and tortures me and if i cry in front of her she mocks me im so scared its not fair im scared of being near her let alone living with her. FUCK I WANNA BE DONE AND DEAD. TIME […]
just got grounded, being ignored by my bf, really need to talk/advice?
fuck those demons they make my heart beat so fast it sares me my breathing is so loud i fear others will here. DAMN make it stop the guilt of everything i put people trough omfg it makes me spin in panic i am happy for a sec but no the sadness is so seductive i wanna be in it cuz i deserve it. fuck the deoms that r playing with my mind fuck fuck fuck u demons. WHY? its taking all i can to not take a knife and eat me with it slit my throat i already tried to chocke myself earlier so […]
i am in so much pain life is spiralling downwards and is out to get me. no kne cares about me cuz right now i have to be there for my friends who re upset and i dont wanna upset them more with my provlems:/ ohhh fuck i want the guilt and pain to stop NOW