Author

fallencrescendo

The Tunnel

by fallencrescendo 6/12/2020

written by fallencrescendo

In the state if Arizona, there is a tunnel known to grant you wishes. If you drive through it, hold your breath until the end, you can make a wish and only hope it to come true. When I was younger, I’d always wish for a bike, finding my soulmate, or a house, camera, etc.

When I was 12, my wishes started to change. I had started wishing for a permanent home to stay, for someone in my family to show me love, for me to be happy; I gave up on that quickly as things were always getting worse. So I started wishing for my […]

6/12/2020 7 comments

3 years later..

by fallencrescendo 7/6/2015

written by fallencrescendo

It’s been three years since I put up my first post on this site. Now being 21 years old. If I could go back in time and talk to myself in the past and tell her how the future is now I’d tell her just these few things.

You will fall in love with your prince charming. The perfect boyfriend. And you will have the best time of your life. Then have your heart broken, never seeing him again because you just weren’t good enough. But you will meet someone else. And you two will live together in harmony with a black cat who loves you […]

7/6/2015 0 comment

Just..

by fallencrescendo 8/1/2013

written by fallencrescendo

I just do not know what to do anymore.

Everything is falling apart. Nothing is going right for me in any way. There is nothing good in my life. Honestly. I’m starting to crack. I want to go away. Leave everything behind and just feel happy again; it’s hard to do.

I wish there was an easier way…

-AC

8/1/2013 1 comment

This song I can relate to.

by fallencrescendo 2/13/2013

written by fallencrescendo

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5LWpw3CMCEg

2/13/2013 0 comment

Random Thought..

by fallencrescendo 1/27/2013

written by fallencrescendo

I was thinking to myself, what if I knew someone who had a gun?

What if I found it?

Would I be able to take it?

What if I took the gun and held it to my head?

Would I be able to pull the trigger?

1/27/2013 3 comments

Walk Away.

by fallencrescendo 11/3/2012

written by fallencrescendo

My best friend saw that I was upset. She asked if I was okay as she was walking out of the room to go and sleep.

I told her I was okay, then she asked a few more times, to make sure. So I then told her that I was not okay, and she did nothing about it. She just looked confused and obviously had no idea what to do. So she just said good night and went to sleep.

Isn’t she the best?

-A.C

11/3/2012 6 comments

Unheard

by fallencrescendo 11/3/2012

written by fallencrescendo

“You can always talk to me. I will always be here to listen.”

Yeah right! I can’t talk to anyone around here. I tried to talk to my best friend and all I said basically went in one ear and out the other. She has the attention span of a fly. Anyone else I try to talk to, it always somehow becomes about them. Can’t it just be me for one fucking minute? Can we just talk about me and my problems without you blowing me off? I sound conceited but I really am not. I am just tired of being the listener and talking to […]

11/3/2012 4 comments

Sleep

by fallencrescendo 10/12/2012

written by fallencrescendo

I woke up today already feeling depressed.

I didn’t want to do anything at all today, so I decided to take some sleeping pills to make me sleep all day, hoping I’ll feel better. I slept for 7 hours and I feel terrible and my emotions are all over the place.

The suicidal thoughts are back.

-A.C

10/12/2012 0 comment

Worthless.

by fallencrescendo 9/28/2012

written by fallencrescendo

I feel worthless, pathetic; like a waste of space. I have nothing to offer this world. I’m a piece of shit. I can’t get a job, can’t get into college, I can’t drive, and I live in a house where my mother can’t afford to feed us. We have no food. Maybe a slice of bologna, but where will that get us? I feel terrible for not helping out. If I were dead, she would have one less mouth to feed. If I were dead, I wouldn’t have to suffer through all of this, through all of the emotions that run through my head. I […]

9/28/2012 2 comments

Crash..

by fallencrescendo 9/9/2012

written by fallencrescendo

It happens to me every time..

I’ll be in the car. My mind will start wandering. I’ll look out the window and look for oncoming cars. I close my eyes, hoping that as soon as I close them, a Semi will crash into my door. Just like you see in the movies. But for me, I’ll die on impact.

-A.C

9/9/2012 1 comment

When and why…

by fallencrescendo 7/7/2012

written by fallencrescendo

I don’t understand why I haven’t done it yet. I want to die so badly, but I think I’m scared. I’m scared that I’ll fail, and have to live with regret andÂ embarrassmentÂ and have to live out my life with the pain I’ve been living with.

I was suppose to do it today. I have everything planned out. I just need to go to the store to get one more thing, and I’m good to go. Maybe I’ll do it this weekend? Maybe next week? I keep asking myself if I can even go through with it; if it will even happen. I keep wishing that someone […]

7/7/2012 2 comments

Almost…

by fallencrescendo 4/29/2012

written by fallencrescendo

I almost did it… I almost ended it all.

I have marks on my neck now from the rope. Hopefully no one will notice.

I got interrupted, so I was forced to stop. I didn’t want to raise suspicion. So now that I’m home alone, I’m thinking about finishing it. I just can’t do this anymore. I just can’t…

I was so close. I almost did it…. Almost.

4/29/2012 3 comments

First post

by fallencrescendo 4/4/2012

written by fallencrescendo

People just don’t take me seriously. I must be that good of an actress. I try to put on a smile everyday so no one nags me about my problems.

Today in class, we went over the symptoms of depression; Yeah, they all sounded just about right. I know I’m depressed, and no one else knows that. I am showing the symptoms, but would anyone even care to take notice? No.

“Ask for help” should be the first thing to do right? Well I did. I requested to see a therapist. I told my aunts and they said “Sure we’ll find you one.” Two years later, I’m […]

4/4/2012 2 comments