Author

freedomseeker

Depressed, angry and guilty

by freedomseeker 7/7/2016

written by freedomseeker

I’m feeling low… I’m ashamed of myself. I’ve had outbursts of anger. I’ve hurt people with my words. I raged for nothing as a mad person. I’m afraid of being a bad person. I just can’t control my temper… It’s usually hard for me, but it’s been even harder for the last 10 months. I’m ashamed of everything I’ve said to people who believed in me, who were so nice to me. I feel bad. I’m afraid I might be a bad person, arrogant and selfish.

And I feel like there is no way for me of erasing what’s been said and done. I feel so […]

7/7/2016 17 comments

Need your thoughts, since I cannot ask people in “real life”… Please, fellow human beings, give me your thoughts.

by freedomseeker 11/2/2015

written by freedomseeker

Hey guys, I’ve been writing quite frequently here for a few weeks/months. Something has been troubling my life and I don’t know what to think about it, how I should feel about it, I don’t know what it is and I was thinking that maybe your thoughts might help me. I don’t need any psychologist’s or any doctor’s thoughts. Just thoughts from/by fellow human beings. As long as it is sincere, it is perfect. Here the “troubling thing”:

I haven’t really identified myself as a lesbian. The people I fell in love with have always been men. Sexually I’m stil more attracted to men. I am […]

11/2/2015 8 comments

“You are adorable” -Well… It depends on who I am with…

by freedomseeker 10/27/2015

written by freedomseeker

Ok I… I… I am sorry. I know you don’t want that. I know you feel awkward or that… You would feel awkward. And I am sorry. The thing is I think I fell for you. I am sorry. I really am. Your smile, your kindness, your open-mindedness, your eyes, your… everything. I fell for it. And I am so sorry. I’m sorry for myself because once again that is gonna be a one-way love leading to a one-way street of despair. I will try my best not to make you realise how I feel about you. You know what ? Two weeks ago, I […]

10/27/2015 11 comments

You’re a good person. I want to communicate with you.

by freedomseeker 10/12/2015

written by freedomseeker

I feel awkard, because I’m drunk. I can’t cope with the love I feel for you. I just can’t. BEcause you’re a good person. The kind of person I’d like to meet. The kind of person I’d like to know. But the kind of person I won’t know. The kind of person I can’t know. And I’m just feeling… I can’t stand it anymore. Loving people that can’t and won’t love me back. Loving people I see so much beautiful things, but who won’t see it too. I just can’t. I know my grammar’s not perfect, sorry dudes, I’m drunk. Tomorrow, I’ll see you and […]

10/12/2015 13 comments

I remember years ago someone told me I should take caution when it comes to love. I tried. Did I?

by freedomseeker 10/8/2015

written by freedomseeker

Here you are. There, you are. I love your person. I just love it. Sorry. Wasn’t on purpose… Just, like that. You were nice, you often are. You’re beautiful, I love your smile. I want to see it, always, forever, on your face. You deserve it. You’re a good person. I want to know who you are. I do. Sorry. You’re just the kind of person I feel good with. I don’t need to have a defensive posture. I feel like I can be myself, I feel like you’re talking to people and not to their position on the social scale. I’m sorry for looking […]

10/8/2015 1 comment

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by freedomseeker 9/30/2015

written by freedomseeker

Hey there. I saw your eyes yesterday. You’re disappointed. Sorry. I might be… out. I’m actually out. I’m always off. I’m always out. I push back my chair. I hide my hands in my pockets. I lay my head up against the wall. I deaf myself out and off with music. I don’t wanna listen anymore. I just don’t wanna be here. I keep complaining all the time. Always blaming someone, something. Always wondering, about me, about the others, about everything. I live in a world that isn’t. I have to make up my own to smile. See the smile on my lips when I […]

9/30/2015 5 comments

“I’ll worship like a dog at the shrine of your lies [..] I’ll tell you my sins so you can sharpen your knife” (hozier)

by freedomseeker 9/16/2015

written by freedomseeker

Her voice is like a falling leaf sliding upon the air. Don’t get mistaken, this is not about any notion of loss or death. Rather the contrary, actually. It is about harmony, subtle embrace of goodness upon the universe. It is about some softness, lying flat on the elements. I love hearing her voice. It is soothing. Beautiful and soothing. Gentle. Please, talk. Don’t look at me. Please, just speak. I don’t know who you are, I don’t know. But just speak. You certainly are some sort of peace of mind. Quiet life. Good for you. But I just love the way you speak.
The truth […]

9/16/2015 2 comments

Do we get over it ? If yes, how ?

by freedomseeker 1/12/2015

written by freedomseeker

Hi, i’m back here. Again. I was watching TV and I saw somebody who made me feel bad. It made me think about a person I used to know, somebody I stopped seeing. A “friend”. Yeah, you know those friends you hang out with because you’re too young and too insecure to think by yourself and to trust yourself. This person who hangs out with you because you’re enough hopeless and in a shitty state that you make her/him feel better about her/his own person. To be clear, I do not miss that person at all. She’s a complete wreck with all the pride only […]

1/12/2015 3 comments

“more equal than others” G.O

by freedomseeker 3/17/2014

written by freedomseeker

I made a mistake today. I’ve made a lot of mistakes. Today was just another one, an additional one. I had been getting closer and closer, further and further, and I reached it. Not entirely though, it was the beginning of the end. I stopped at the beginning. It would make Him unhappy, completely torn and deeply upset. I love Him. I do. But, sometimes I get frustated in my life. My whole life is filled with frustration, 2/3 of it.
I work, and work. Oh, and wait ! … I work. I go to the university, I go to work, I have to go […]

3/17/2014 14 comments

Is there any way out ?

by freedomseeker 3/6/2014

written by freedomseeker

It is my first post here. I’ve discovered this website when I was attending my linguistic class. I’m a student, from abroad. I think many of you are American, and I hope my presence in here won’t disturb you. By the way, I apologize for the mistakes I may make, or the ones I may have already made, and I hope you’ll be tolerant. I’m specialising in the English world, especially the USA and the UK. I love my linguistic classes, I love my studies. But I got depressed, somehow. I thought about suicide, wrote it in Google search, and found that website. I read […]

3/6/2014 11 comments