Ok I… I… I am sorry. I know you don’t want that. I know you feel awkward or that… You would feel awkward. And I am sorry. The thing is I think I fell for you. I am sorry. I really am. Your smile, your kindness, your open-mindedness, your eyes, your… everything. I fell for it. And I am so sorry. I’m sorry for myself because once again that is gonna be a one-way love leading to a one-way street of despair. I will try my best not to make you realise how I feel about you. You know what ? Two weeks ago, I drank quite a lot and found myself spread-eagled on the sidewalk in the city center. I didn’t want to move anymore, I just kept on saying “Welllll… I’m just tired, I need some rest”. And my friend, she called the emergencies. And, the next day, I felt so bad because of that headache…But I felt like that alcohol had drown my feeling away. But now, weeks later, I’m wondering. Alcohol is not really working anymore. I don’t know. I just love you, and I am so sorry for that. I’m sorry. I am. You are a good person, you are great. You are. And I couldn’t help but notice it. I’m sorry. I don’t know how to get away with that feeling. I don’t know. You’re great and I do hope that nothing on Earth will ever hurt you. I do hope your smile and your sparkling eyes will never fade away. If I could, if I was some kind of supernatural thing, I would protect you from anything unpleasant. I want to protect you. I want you not to get hurt, by anything, by anyone. That’s silly, isn’t it ? Sorry. I do love you.
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The worst thing about falling in love and believing you are over it is having them come back into your life years later only to realize you never stopped loving them. And they still don’t notice.
This is my exact internal monologue…. I feel so much guilt for feeling like this, I still apologise to him now when he catches me looking at him, even though he has no idea that I’m completely spell bound by his very presence.
I totally understand. Except there is no need for me to apologize because he is clueless. Which I am unsure what to feel about it.
freedomseeker,
“Alcohol is not really working anymore.” NO NO IT WORKS!!!!, Sorry a little humour, i’m drinking right now cheers!!!! i’m always spread-eagled! 🙂 ok look all i can say is enough is enough! pull yourself together, it’s ok to suffer a little it’s like mourning, but you have to say thats it! get up! dust off your bottom and move on. be strong.
I don’t know Rocketman, sometimes working through the fantasy conversation in my head and getting mired in all the feelings is the first step towards exorcising the demons.
Hazy Day Sunflower,
i agee! but you need to stop at some point? and move on, get along little doggy 🙂
I agree but it took me 15 years to get completely over someone I fell for and a couple of weeks ago I came to terms with never really getting over another person that I loved. I’m only saying that if I had worked through my feelings appropriately I might not have been overcome by a tidal wave of grief and emotion when he suddenly cam back into my life. Sometimes it take a lot of vomit to rid the body of poison.
Hazy Day Sunflower,
oh yes! plenty of vomit! usually till your till you can see your shoes!!!!
Hazy Day Sunflower,
That didn’t make much since!! 🙂 oh yes! plenty of vomit! usually untill you can see your shoes comming out!!!!
I was thinking to myself…have I ever gotten so drunk and puked until I was sober enough to see my shoes? Interesting analogy. Made sense to me.
Hazy Day Sunflower,
Comes from experiance!!! from many times praying to the porcilian god!!! unless you experianced that you haven’t been around.