This is not directly linked to suicide, but it will be good if I could use this to organize my thoughts. I think it is better to do this than let this thing grow inside me untill it explodes someday. Today was a day that I thought I was going to explode, perhaps I did have a little explosion. I am living most of days inside my house, going out in very rare occasions. As a matter of fact, I wasnt even leaving my room for most of the time. I talk to some people through WhatsApp, though, and also my family, which […]
Friendship is an odd concept. In theory, it can be seen as one of the most beautiful things in the world. However, outside the idealistic view, things are very very dfferent. People who I called friends, considered as friends, and yet I kept feeling, constantly, that I was being hurt by them. And of course, there was a unbalance that was crucial for that. I am going to be a little bit unpolite, and say something about money, because thats what I believe was one of the main issues. Frankly, I don’t believe people from different social and economical backgrounds can come together and just […]
I wonder how death looks like. I feel like I am feeling the presence of death. Its an odd feeling, like that same feeling that comes when watching the TV, with all the crime stories. You look to all the human disgrace, and how cruel a human can be, the gory details, the violence, and it leaves a stamp on you. Something hard to grasp. A void. A ghost-like presence resembling the smell of ashes, old stuff, a grey feeling. But there is also a part in me, with a note of rejoice, pleasure, as if I wanted to see those things happening, the blood […]
My life looks so depressing at this moment. You know, if feels almost like AN insult to accept this situation and live things just normal. It probably will pass soon or later. And the fact that I used my last Money to buy a bottle of cheap alcoholic beverage makes things even more depressing. But, what can I do about that? Its not a crime to drink, and it was my Money, so thats nobody’s business. Except for, my sister is kind of a n alcoholic, and she already went through some really tough shit, with doctors, and ambulances, and institutions, that kind of a […]
Im proud of myself because I hadnt rellapsed again. Today I was like “Oh my god, what reasons do I have for not doing it?” Its always in these days, when everything seems insufficient, nothing is satisfying and then the worst mistake I can make in my life seems terribly atractive. But im trying to make things decent now, I dont want to screw up everything.
Young lady finds her husband and get her passport for a higher class lifestyle. I must be just another useless, lunatic person that has appeared in her life, and since my lifestyle isn’t that interesting, so why keep me in her social circuit, right? Oh, I hope that little wifey is very happy living in her mediocre marital servitude, cleaning the house all day long, making dinner for the hubby, 21st housewife, what a bore! I think we’re definitely too much different to be even just friends.
A set of people overwhelmed by accumulated frustation, living in a collective suffering, not in an empathetic way, but in the form of mutual agression, that often assumes subtle and disguised features.
I made a post here some weeks ago, and I remember that there was someone who has commented something, but I did not reply. It may be late to say that, but I wouldn’t like to say thanks for that comment, it did help me. So thanks.
I also remember that even earlier I had made a post here about many issues that I was dealing with, and these issues hadnt disappear, some of then even got worser. I remember I even received some advice, and I didnt followed the advice, because I am stubborn, and today I think I should have paid more attention to […]
I wonder if just ignore the problem is always the best way to deal with it. One person told me something that sounded almost like that. If you happen to live through an unpleasant experience, even if you got hurt by someone else, shouldn’t be the best thing to do just ignore that person that hurt you, not play by his or her game? Yeah, but only in a fantasy world that would really work. So I am supposed to ignore the fact that I am being hurt, am I supposed to ignore the fact that person X is actually hurting me? So if i […]