so ever since i was young i always remember my dad hitting my mom for… well? i guess cheating and i always saw him hit her, i would hear her screaming and crying then after that he would yell at me and my sister for dumb shit. he used to hit us badly with a thick leather belt that would leave marks on our legs and back sometimes buries.i was always scared to call the cops and the fear of my siblings being taken awake and separated into different foster families. it kept going for many years. i always loved my mom and felt sorry for her. one day when i was in a mental hospital for attempted suicide. i came home and couple of months have passed i found out that she had sex with my boyfriend. i found out on valentines. it broke of i had pain in my chest and the pain of wanting to cry and scream. my mom and my boyfriend where close to me and where always there for me. i wanted to kill myself. when i was younger i was raped twice by my cousin and my cousin’s cousin. being screamed at mentally breaks you.
the first day i came back from the mental hospital i was being screamed at by my dad. he wanted to know why i would do that and it cause me to have an anxiety attack and i was freaking out! i never told this to my therapist, i want to so bad but i cant not yet.. anyways that’s only a small chunk of my story… today i want to go into a coma so badly. i have been thinking of taking my Trazadone to put me into a deep sleep. i plan to do it this summer. i ask my friends for some advice but they ingnore me and give me the same damn advice and only because i never told them the full story..
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i have also been physically abused and bullied throughout my childhood by many people.. these aggressive people and bullies seems to have no emotions .they do bad to us and their lives seems better than us a lot even when we have never abused or raped anyone..
some lives are filled with joy and happiness, ours is clouded with pain and misfortune.
i wish your cousin and cousin’s cousin burn in hell.
I want you to do me a favor. just trust me, okay? Every time you see your reflection,
be it in the mirror in the bathroom, in a window somewhere, or in a puddle on the street, I want you to look at yourself and give yourself a hug. Because even if you aren’t the prettiest or the smartest or the funniest, you’re something that no one else can be: you. And you are the greatest thing you can be.
yours father, cousin and cousin’s cousin are all worthless .. not you