My husband just wants to hit me. He stays mad at me about everything and somehow it’s all always my fault. I don’t have close friends or family to go to, and women’s shelters only give you 45 days maximum to find a place to live, which isn’t guaranteed, and especially not for someone who hasn’t had a job in a long time because I’ve been busy helping my husband with his failing business and his new job. I have nothing to live for and no hope that I’ll find a job that will make enough that I can take care of myself…If I can […]
I never had a sweet 16 birthday, a great 21st birthday, I never got to go prom dress shopping and I wasn’t asked by any guys to go to prom, I never had a bridal shower, or went wedding dress shopping, I didn’t get a romantic proposal or a housewarming party, I don’t get a honeymoon or even a ceremony in a church. I had to wait 8 years with a guy who has abused me in all aspects possible the entire time. I’ve always been in abusive relationships. So after 8 years I finally settled on just going to a courthouse and getting married […]
I’m in tears tonight. Not entirely sure what triggered it right now, but I’m hurting and I just don’t want to be here at all. I’m just ready to leave this world.
Guess I’m on here a lot lately. I just have nowhere else to put these thoughts out there on…I’m hurting so bad. I can’t wait until January 5th, but I have to, in a way. It’s relieving to think about though. To think that my pain will end and I can just escape it all.
I shouldn’t have to pick up after my fiance and his friends and they still disrespect me. I’m not their housewife, sister, mother, or anything. I also shouldn’t have to be afraid that his friends are going to just barge through the door at any moment every day without knocking, even though I told my fiance that I’m very uncomfortable with that.
My “friends” have been cut from my life because they always believed it was fair that they could get mad at each other, but I couldn’t get mad at either of them without severe punishment. My family is starting to act the same way. My sister will confront me and threaten me if I get mad at my mother or grandmother, and my mother will do the same if I get mad at my sisters. It’s not reciprocated though. If someone gets mad at me, nobody fucking cares. These people who are supposed to love me and care about me don’t listen when I try […]
My fiance (if I can even call him that anymore) has resorted to lying about where he goes. Then I only find out when he gets random texts from people thanking him for stopping by on his way home and he asks me to check his phone for him. Not only that, I don’t like the way he talks to his female coworkers, but he doesn’t find it a problem and has called me “retarded” for being jealous and hurt. I’ve been with him for so long. It’s not a thing that lasted a year or two, or even four. Much longer than that. He […]
I’m very sick today. I spent all night last night vomiting, and now I’ve just been stuck in bed all day. So my fiance comes home and decides it’s a good time to fight because I told him something he did towards another female bothered me. He degraded me like crazy, telling me I’m retarded, I’m boring, and that he wants me to disappear and kill myself. All of this after fighting yesterday with my mother and sisters because I asked here politely to take an embarrassing picture of me off of her facebook page. Expressing my opinions and feelings shouldn’t end in a fight […]
Employers can’t even f**king be honest about why they’re not hiring me. I’m definitely NOT “overqualified” to babysit someone’s child for two hours for just one day.
It doesn’t matter how many jobs I’ve applied to, or how many interviews I have attended in the past three weeks. I don’t have a job yet (yes, I’ve researched and rehearsed and planned a lot of interview questions and first impressions) and I won’t in time. My car note, my father’s birthday, Christmas, and rent….and I have zero, and I somehow am even failing to sell anything but one single textbook, which was only $50 that went towards my car note. I’m very scared. Especially since losing my car means I have no way of getting to jobs.
There probably isn’t any meaning in life. Perhaps you can find something interesting while you’re alive. Like how you found that flower. Like how I found you. – Orochimaru
This quote & someone on here once telling me to “be strong, have resolve”…those are the only two things keeping me here. Pathetic, I know.
It doesn’t matter how much volunteer work I do, how many jobs I work at, how many classes I take, or how much I actively reach out to help people. Nobody wants anything to do with me. I’m very lonely. Nobody messages me or asks me to hang out with them, nobody asks how I’m doing, and last year nobody visited me in the hospital when I was there for a week. What’s wrong with me? Why am I this big of a social outcast? Why am I treated like I’m just extraordinarily annoying? I really just want to die. I want the pain to […]
Tonight is just another night where he kicked me out because his friends were mad at me. On top of that I received a failing grade on an assignment. Just another night and I can’t stay strong.
There are no flowers, no not this time. There will be no angels gracing the lines. Just these stark words, I find.
I’d show a smile, but I’m too weak. I’d share with you could I only speak, just how much this hurts me.
I was laid off of a job four months ago. Since then, I’ve been very sick, I’ve failed several interviews, and have started to take full time accounting classes. I have a fiance of seven years who says what I believe are the worst things you can say to a human. He has told me to kill myself, he has called me worthless so many times, as well as anything else you can think to call someone. He tells me things like, “you’re so worthless to me”, “Oh great, I’m turning into you. I’m just going to be a miserable, worthless manic depressant”, “I used […]