I’m very sick today. I spent all night last night vomiting, and now I’ve just been stuck in bed all day. So my fiance comes home and decides it’s a good time to fight because I told him something he did towards another female bothered me. He degraded me like crazy, telling me I’m retarded, I’m boring, and that he wants me to disappear and kill myself. All of this after fighting yesterday with my mother and sisters because I asked here politely to take an embarrassing picture of me off of her facebook page. Expressing my opinions and feelings shouldn’t end in a fight every single time. I feel subhuman. As if my opinions and thoughts absolutely have to be the same as everyone else’s or I should just be killed off instantly. I don’t get it. Nobody else seems to have to fight their loved ones every single time they say something is gross, embarrassing, disturbing, great, wonderful, ugly, etc. Either way, my fiance will get his wish. I’m looking up methods now.
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You can’t control the actions of other people. If this is how your fiance is going to respond to your concerns before you’re married, then perhaps the larger situation (marriage) needs to be looked at. Marriage should be a two-way street with mutual respect. He doesn’t have to be happy with you 24/7 but the comments he made almost certainly crossed a line. I wouldn’t accept being treated like that from a friend, much less from someone I was going to marry. As for your mother and sisters, maybe let things cool down for a bit. Maybe the picture won’t be as embarrassing as you thought it was. If it’s still an issue, you can always ask again. It doesn’t appear that you’ve done anything wrong. You’ve been sick and this is probably making things worse. Take some time to catch your breath and collect your thoughts. Hopefully, things will settle down in the interim. No more looking up methods, please.
distant.road: I appreciate your response. His comments did cross a line, and they always do. I have had the worst year of my life and it has been so far from easy to get away from him. Even worse, it makes people wonder why I don’t get away from him, but there really aren’t any options unless I save up, which I have been working on doing. Unexpected bills get in the way as well. My car has been nearly repossessed twice within the last few months. It’s all very scary and I wonder why I am going through all of this.
See if there are community agencies that can assist you. Particularly in cases of emotional or physical abuse, there may be resources available to you that you don’t know about. The solution might not be a five-star inn but it could involve getting out of a verbally abusive situation. If your car is on the verge of getting repossessed, your income might qualify you for assistance through social service agencies, charities, food banks, church groups, etc. The money saved could benefit your savings goal. Reach out and see what’s available. A combination of resources could give you time to get out of a bad situation and work through a transition.
With all that said, the ideal solution would be to talk things out with those people involved. I’m not trying to suggest that you cut ties with people because isolation can cause another set of issues. But, if you’re being emotionally abused, that can cause significant problems now and in the future.
I know exactly how you feel. I’ve been cut out from my family because my grandmother would bully me and when I finally stood up for myself she, and everyone on my mom’s side, shunned me away like I was nothing to them. And my father chose his wife and new family over me. All I have is my sister and brother and I barely have them. I feel like anything I do or say is wrong. So I barely talk, and when I do, it’s never how I truly feel or what I truly think. It’s ridiculous the way people who are suppose to love and support you make you feel worthless. I’m suicidal, but I’m holding out hope that maybe one day someone will be different. Don’t do anything drastic, at least not at this moment. If you need to, you can talk to me. I’m new so I don’t know if there’s messaging on here, but I’ll listen. I’m good at it.
AR: I appreciate your response as well, and your offer for me to message you. Sorry that you’re having to endure generally the same things. Family just isn’t what it should be….