I was laid off of a job four months ago. Since then, I’ve been very sick, I’ve failed several interviews, and have started to take full time accounting classes. I have a fiance of seven years who says what I believe are the worst things you can say to a human. He has told me to kill myself, he has called me worthless so many times, as well as anything else you can think to call someone. He tells me things like, “you’re so worthless to me”, “Oh great, I’m turning into you. I’m just going to be a miserable, worthless manic depressant”, “I used to have a great life until we started dating”, and he kicks me out literally every time I yell back.
When he first bought this house last year, his abuse verbally and physically became such a prominent part of our lives. He often made my lip swell and my nose bleed. He never apologized, never thanked me for cleaning his and his friend’s stuff up, and never made anything up to me. It was always just my fault. I told him that I couldn’t live with his friends, and he immediately moved them in, then acts surprised and gets furious with me when I don’t get along with them. I’ve cleaned up so often after them and just like him, they never said thank you, and they always stay mad at me. Now they’re finally moving out because they’re too mad at me this time, and it’s making my fiance even more angry with me and I stay scared. People often suggest the obvious: move to a shelter, a friends home, a parents house. I have no friends that can keep me for longer than a night, I don’t live near a shelter that doesn’t have a waitlist, and my older sister who is coming from a similar situation just moved back in with my parents. They don’t have room for me or money for me to move back in.
I don’t know why nobody has been hiring me. I used to get so many interviews and nearly guaranteed the job. Now it’s too much to even get an interview, and they’re not successful. I’m very scared and I feel very hopeless.
I don’t know what to do. I feel that I’m trying all that I can. I’m attending interviews, talking to people for shelters, and trying to remain calm and not make things worse. It’s hard to see my older sister breaking down after four years of an abusive marriage. I’ve endured seven years of an abusive relationship and I know that I am stronger than her, but I feel so sorry for her all the same. I don’t feel that there is harsh enough punishment for domestic abuse in this country. Just this year I’ve witnessed three of my friends leave abusive marriages at the ages of 22 and 23. I don’t understand what is keeping everyone so angry and making people think that it’s okay to hit each other and torture each other.
I’m just completely lost and horrified.
3 comments
So you have witnessed multiple abusive marriages and have displayed an apparent disdain for such actions. This begs the obvious question: WHY IN GODS NAME ARE YOU ENGAGED TO AN ABUSIVE MAN?!?!
If you marry him, you will just suffer the same as your sister and friends. You need to avoid that scum like the plague.
Abusive people like him know what they are doing is wrong but they don’t care and NEVER WILL. He will never change, if you stay with him it will only escalate.
Alright, now that we have that out the way, lets look at the current situation and how you may improve it.
You currently have no where to go should you just up and leave that trash. You need to plead with your parents if you can stay with them for a bit, even the couch will do. You need to get a job even if it isn’t the ‘ideal’ one. Save up as much as possible for as much time as you can stomach. Maybe you and your sister could both rent a place together for a while, this will mean half rental and more opportunity to save up.
Unfortunately, since I don’t know what field of work you do, I can’t offer up many suggestions on that. If you are going for interviews, it probably mean that they liked your CV enough to believe you were capable for the job. Your body language and tone of voice may be giving off a lack of assurity and confidence, which is so desperately needed.
You need to follow the shogun approach to job hunting, send your CV everywhere where you believe potential lies, there is usually a 90% unresponsive rate so don’t let that deter you. Send follow up emails to places not responding and make sure you prepare for any technical question you may be asked.
I believe your sickness is tied to being laid off, repeatedly failed interviews, loss of hope and a failure of a fiance. The last point can be solved immediately, dump that piece of filth. He is poison to you. You may be thinking about sticking around until you get a job but you will be tortured by this bully, he is a coward.
The other points can be rectified with a change of environment. This will help your mind and body to recover, giving you the mental ability to over come them.
Persistence and Resolve will be your banner, wave it high.
You shouldnt be in relationship with somebody who treats you that way
end that relationship and move on
First off, you’re so strong to be able to handle through all the pain and abuse you have faced. But clearly this is not a healthy relationship if he is not going to respect you. And you probably love him alot, and its a scary world out there once you break it off because who knows what happen. I dont think you should be in a relationship with a guy like that, but at the same time everyone has to fight their own battles and make their own decisions. I hope you will be strong enough to solve this the best way. I hope you wont get hit or abuse as much. I hope he will respect you more. I hope things will get better for you.
& another thing about you being strong is even though you have gone through so many rejections with applying for jobs, I know you still want to make it. You wont give up and you shouldn’t. Jobs can be really hard to find at this time, and sometime it needs some luck too. I can help you brush uo on your resume if you need. Try searching on indeed for jobs or even craiglist.
I pray for you to keep fighting and I pray that all the good things will come your ways. <3