So I just got home today after I didnt go home last night
Too much.. my head cant contain it
I dont want to go home
Then he come to save me
I cry in his shoulder and he pat my head gently
I go to his place and it took 1 hour to arrive
He try booking another room
But we ended sleeping in the same room
He said he usually playing game and sleep on the floor
I know he was lying
He fall asleep and often wake up to change his position
So I told him to sleep beside me on the bed
Today.. finally.. i tell him about my story
The story i cant say to him all this time
The story how and what happened to me
About the depressed me
And he said
My feelings.. to you.. still the same.. you are the same for me.. im not going to pity you or look at you differently.. and i cant help you..but when you need me.. when you cant sleep.. tell me.. tell me everything.. everything
Why you dont tell me before about this…
If you told me before i can help you
And you see its been 5 years.. im still here for you
I […]
He told me “Your problem wont affect my life”
And it makes me think 1 day full about it
Still a week.. 2 weeks.. and I still wondering what that means
One said I started liking him
One said he really doesnt care about it
One said no matter what happened its okay for him
Its a matter for me
Its a big problem for me
Im here feeling depressed want to die
And my mom will leave me first
Im here still hating myself
Im here cant accept this cruel world
Im here afraid to start something
Im afraid of my minds and feelings
I have so many dream that i want to achieve
I want to do ballet with all my heart
I want to sing so loud so everyone can hear me
I want to be free like a bird
Its only on my mind
What is this feeling?
Maybe I fancy you
When you try to search me when im disappear
When you insist to call me when i jail myself
When you try to make me laugh
When you wonder what happen
When you ask if i cry
When you tell your story
When you always hear my story
When you always there
If i keep this as a secret
Until that time come
Will you still be there for me
Will you still fancy me
What should i do
I started to like your voice
Again
It doesnt matter who like who first
Right?
I just watch a drama where a suicidal depressed woman find magic and regain her lost dream
Just when she at the bottom of her live and want to die… the magic come
Once again she have a chance to change her life and she finally living her dream job
She shine so bright even tho she know the price of the magic is her life
She will die in 1 year
What a beautiful story…
I wish magic come to me too
Give me a chance to change my life
Having will and bravery to reach out my dream
But when the death come in […]
Im so depressed right now
And no one care about me
No one appreciate my existence
Should I just runaway from home for a few days?
So I can think whay i really want to do in my life
And my parents can think what they need to think about
Im stuck and I realy dont have a will to live anymore
Help me guys..
What should i do??
I will just runaway for some days and going back home again
I think with this plan all of us can think properly and not stuck here forever
I need a place to be alone and […]
I go to the mall near my house
In my bag therr is a new defense knife that i just bought recently
I use the elevator
Use the lift to go to the top floor
There is my favorite place there
Balcony
When you look down you can see people swarming like a fish
Its a foodcourt place right below me
I can see people eating laughing and buying food
If i fall from this balcony
I wont die
But it will be a surprise for them
If i cut my self
And let the blood flow
They will see a blood dripping to their […]
People look at us like a pitiful person
Sometimes they call us crazy
Then they laughing at us
Make a joke of our pain
When we cry
We cant tell anyone
Cause we are afraid of how their eyes change
The way they look at us will change
We make war with our mind
We want to give our soul away
And we stuck there
With a plain look
And feel bored
How we ended up here
And how we cant get out
Anymore
Who to blame
Probably ourself
Take me home
For us expecially myself with depression
Im more and more isolated
I dont want to meet people
I dont want to go out
I dont want to do what i want to do
I dont want to be hygiene
I dont want to eat
I dont want to see someone happy
I dont want to be like this
Im sick of this
No one try to save me
Save me
What a word
No one will save me
NO OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOONNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNMEEEEEEÈEEEÈEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE
NOT MY SIBLING
NOT MY PARENTS
NOT MY FRIENDS
NOT MYSELF
GOD
I ONLY HAVE ONE REQUEST
BUT WHY YOU DONT HEAR ME
SAVE ME / KILL ME
ISNT THAT HARD TO DO
SHOULD I END UP MYSELF […]
Something is wrong
Its been more than 2 weeks since im sick…
When i dont eat maid’s cooking im okay..
But when i eat it im sick again
Its already 2 times i skip her cooking and im really really fine
Something is wrong..
But my mom doesnt believe me
What shiuld i do?
Its so weird..
I think im going to die soon..
Not because i take my life.. but she take my life
Believe me mom..
Please believe me…
Im really sick yet i dont have courage to die
I hate myself so much
Even parents hate me so much
They want to kill me
Because i dont have nothing to give them
Unlike my sisters
Im just a pile of garbage
Nothing precious
They always scream at me
Thwy always discriminate me
They always underestimate me
I have nothing but failure and pain
Its been 2 weeks since im lying in my bed
If you dont feel loved today
Or maybe yesterday
Or maybe since you are a kid
Try to believe
One day someone will find you as precious
Or love you more than theirself
And even give you her/his everything just to make you smile
Just wait until that times come
Even in your worst condition
Believe me
You will find someone who love you
He/she will love you
Just the worst you are
Just the bad you are
And just how you still breathing
He/she will trust you
He/she will love you
When I hold cutter / knife in my sleep
Or at least put it near me
I feel more relax
It helps me a lot to sleep
I really want to cut myself
I really want to stab myself
To the death
I still cant find my reason to live
They said
When you try not doing something you want
You will expect / do something bigger than that
I really want to end my world
I dont care about anyone anything
Nothing is precious
Nothing to keep
Nothing to love
Nothing to do
I dont know
I dont know
I do not know
Why Im sad
Why I feel lonely
Why I miss someone
Why my head hurts
Why I cant sleep
Why I dont want to eat
Why I want sleep
Why I want to die
Why I eat meds
Why Im still here
I want someone to love me
But
Im afraid to love someone
What if it end bad
What if you hurt me
What if i hurt you
Lalalalalaala
Help me
Save me
I feel so lonely
I dont want to do anything
Im tired
I dont have apetite
I dont like myself
I hate this
But im here again
My eyes hurt
Me head hurt
My heart hurt
I want to sleep
I want to se a better tmorrow
No one care about me
The selfish one
I want to cut myself
I want to eat poison
I stop myself
But im afraid
I feel better cutting myself
I feel better sleeping with a knife
I feel better
I meed to sleep
Ao i dont do that again
Sleep aleeppppppp
Sleeepp
I want to drag you in
Deep inside me
Deep inside the blackhole with me
I want you to know my sadness my sorrow my darkness
But in the end I cant tell you
You have problem too
I know mine is so much more
But I cant give you more sadness more sorrow more darkness
When you said you bring bad luck to people around you
How can I say that Im not alright
How can I say that I have depression
When you are just my best friend
When you said about your best friend death
When you said your ex gf have cancer
How can I […]
Im sick and tired
At times like this i miss you
I miss you so much
I collect all the pieces
Trying to make it into a nice picture
But its too sharp
But maybe not
Its just sharp for me
I want to be hurt by myself
I donr want to drag you in it
You have such a bright future
So you dont deserve person like me
I should end it
End it
End it
End it
End it
Its going to be my last time
When i meet you
I want to say
You know actually you are cool
And handsome when you are focused
And […]
I step out today
I finally step out today !!
It feels really weird..
I sit in the foodcourt balcony
And i can see people below me
Eating laughing crying
But i feel weird
My body keep trembling on its own..
Its like a nervous feeling
But idk what exactly..
My heart feels like im riding a scary rollercoaster
Its beating fast
My head start to hurt a little bit
My stomach feels weird
What is this??
WHAT IS THIS??
It feels so wrong
I try to take a deep breath..
But it wont disappear..
What is this…
Does anyone who have depression ever feel like this too?
Kill me..
Love me..
Break me..
Kill me..
My head hurts..
My eyes cant focused..
I feel disgusted..
I want to puke..
Whats the reason?
Idk..
Its just..
I hate my life so much
I want to puke..
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