I was in the shower.
She wasn’t doing great, but what was new.
She texted me to tell me she wanted to die. I knew that. I told her what I always do. I tried to come up with new things to say but nothing was quite right.
She said she was done. She sent me a picture of the a bottle full of pills.
She couldn’t open it.
I could hear the desperation in her voice despite the fact that we were only texting.
I was crying. I didn’t know what to do. Do I call someone? Who do I call? I have her […]
itsmecat
and i’m still sad
its just not fair
is this the way i deserve to be treated?
im so fucking understanding im so fucking caring im so fucking forgiving
but the fucking second i do something wrong god its basically unforgivable
any mistake i make is so hateful and awful that theres no way i could have meant something else theres no way that maybe just maybe they could have misinterpreted what i was saying
i deal with so much bull so much bullshit
im always the bad guy
every single time without fail
is this really what i deserve
is this really worth staying is it really
the universe must hate me
god must hate me
probably because I’m a fuck up
nothing goes right anymore
how do I keep myself from hurting myself
when I know the world hates me
and when I hate me
I don’t want to try to save myself anymore
I just want to die
I just want to die
I get that people have much bigger problems than mine
I get that I’m the fuck up
I get that I’m the one who screws up my own life 99% of the time
But is it so bad to just want somebody to love you..
I feel so lonely… and I feel so terrible that I feel that way
Because I know there are people who really do care about me now and I never want to take that for granted because I didn’t have that before..
But I don’t feel like I can talk to any of them.. and even if I could, they’re […]
I wish I could sleep forever.
school has me so tired.. I’m struggling to just keep my eyes open while I attempt to finish the endless hours of homework due every night..
everything is so hard now it takes effort to just breathe in and breathe out
I wish I could sleep forever.
somebody kill me please
I dont want to be here anymore..
I cant do it myself
but God I want to fucking die
It demands to be felt.
I cant tell what is the truth and what isnt anymore
I cant tell if I really am the bad person I make myself out to be the one who doesnt know how to love or let people in or give good people what they deserve etc.
Or if Im the sweet girl that some claim me to be
but they dont know me very well either
I cant tell if Im crying because of the stress or if Im crying because I want to die
or both
Its driving me crazy, I cant figure it out and I cant trust anyone to tell me
I am a failure.
the start of my life
The life I can kind of remember started at my grandma’s house. Fed well, treated like royalty. School starts, pre-k, bullies, two-ish friends, not the worst scenario. Kindergarten, more bullies. Friends? None. Not for the first three months. Alone, too big, too fat. Smart. I was still mostly a normal kid. I Elementary continues, I find a passion in music, I become more outgoing, bullies are less prominent, more friends, straight A’s. 5th grade. I have a bully as a best friend. She calls me fat and ugly and tells me I can’t sing right. She ‘dumps’ me for someone new […]
I am trying so hard just to breathe
I just want to feel okay again..
I haven’t in so long
All pre-ap classes and one AP class
7 classes a day
I work all day all hours I’m awake
If I’m not working I’m doing extra curriculars, if I’m not doing extra curriculars I’m actually trying to eat something, if I’m not trying to eat I’m attempting to sleep, if I’m not attempting to sleep I’m doing something with family
Every day takes so much out of me and nobody knows how bad it really is..
I know how I feel about you but I […]
i thought i fucking meant something to her
i shouldve known i shouldve fucking known ive always been as worthless as i thought i was
i gave her a fucking chance, one ive never given anyone
and now, no one will ever have that chance again
i will not give anyone the power to hurt me
not like that, never again
if the one person i trust with everything let me down, who can i actually depend upon?
no one, not even myself.
if you can go from in love with me to questioning if you even want to be my friend, you never loved me to begin with
i […]
the funny thing is,
im scared to live, but scared to die
i myself, am not fearful for my life, i couldnt care less if i died. but the only people i worry about are my family. i am fairly close to everyone, not that i can talk to them about things like this but i am. and i cant ignore the fact that my being dead will hurt them. sometimes i dont care, sometimes, its the only thing that keeps me alive. itd be strange to see how my brothers would react. my big brother, hes strong. smart, we can talk about a lot, not things […]
i think its funny that people use suicide as a joke
when its the cause of so many peoples deaths
i find it funny that nobody fucking cares until youre already dead.
“she was beautiful” why didnt you tell her that before she was gone?
“she was so nice” then why did she never get a second glance from you?
” she deserved better” then why werent you the one to give her better? what, it wasnt your place? you didnt know? maybe you wouldve if youd given her that second glance.
im so tired of people pretending like the dead mattered to them when […]
Im sitting here really wondering
wondering why im the one whos hurting
you claim that i did so much shit to you
when youre the one whos scarred me for life
but maybe that doesnt matter
maybe life will be over soon anyways
mine at least