I’m a reader. I read more on this site than write. When I’m feeling suicidal, I like to read other people’s posts. For some reason. It makes me feel… I don’t know, a thrill? Like I’m screaming alone and I come here to hear other people scream. Yes, that must be it. Feels a bit like madness.
My favorite are the posts by people who have it real bad, you know, like tinnitus or chronic pain. They have something real. Something that can never be fixed. No amount of pills or therapy or moving across country or fantasizing will make it go away. I read their diaries and I think, They are the ones who can never go home. Ever.
What is my pain compared to theirs?