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How to survive in a vicious cycle

by jade2

How can I escape this vicious cycle?

I’m married to a man and we don’t understand each other. Not really.

Some times are so good. Some times are so bad. Most of the time it’s boring. We don’t like a lot of the same things. Yet I care for him. I can’t leave him.

When we argue, and I try to be an adult, or he does, it just dissolves, it doesn’t work. We’re too triggered by each other’s vices.

But we do have similar worldview. And sense of humor.

I would like to leave, I’ve even slept over at my work, but I just can’t.

So I don’t need advice how to leave. I need advice on how to find a way to deal with his heaven/hell.

I need to learn how to survive this.


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thedevilisclose 3/13/2021 - 8:16 am

Try taking a deep breath and reword it. I have the same problem and my husband an I are always “arguing” over it when really it’s just me getting pissed off that again someone doesn’t understand me. A good place to start is WHY. In my case it’s feeling misunderstood. Once the why you are getting upset with each other is established when the problem arises just say “STOP” take a breath and then say ” let’s start over” this is a good chance to figure out what started it and how to fix it. In my case I reword or in some cases draw what I mean.

I hope this helps *hugs*

jade2 3/13/2021 - 8:32 am

Thanks. Sometimes that explaining Why helps.
Sometimes he’s just fed up and shuts down and doesn’t want to listen to me.
And much of the time, I feel like I don’t really deserve to complain. He does more than I. I can’t tell if I’m stuck up or my feelings are valid. I just can’t tell.
And I am so tired.

thedevilisclose 3/13/2021 - 8:17 am

I don’t feel that I made this part clear enough.

Be sure to tell your SO the why so they have a better understanding of the situation.

Robert77 3/13/2021 - 8:18 pm

I can relate to what you are saying and I think this is more common than not. A time out or temporary separation is about the only thing that helps situations like this. He needs to appreciate you more and maybe the same for you. Its just too difficult trying to get past this stage you are in by just trying. It generally lasts a few weeks then you are back to the animosity and that has been my experience. There are no easy answers here Im afraid. Maybe start doing nice things for each other again like giving cards or come up with something fun to do together. I hope the best for you.

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