Ka7613

I know I just posted earlier today, but.. don’t have anyone else to talk to.

My only friend leaves me on read. My fiancee ignores me when I’m upset and is generally kinda rude to me when I’m not, though I don’t think she realizes it. Shes been having a rough time, I know, but I feel like I’ve always done most of the work in this relationship.  I fetch her anything she wants, I try to be there for her when she’s sad.  I cleaned out her entire car for her when she was in the hospital. I painted things for her while […]

Haven’t been here since 2017.  I guess since I’m back that must mean life is kicking my ass again, hah.

Gonna type some stuff out I guess. Do kind of an update even though no one here remembers me now, lol.

Well I’ve been self isolating but it’s really been no different than my usual day-to-day. I barely ever leave the house these days anyway.  My psychiatrist put me on a new medication a few weeks ago. Gave me some samples and I took them for a week before I found out I couldn’t actually afford the prescription at all, so that’s fun.  I’ve been unmedicated for […]

My brain isn’t working today. I feel frustrated and stupid and angry, and every little thing is getting on my nerves. My head is full of buzzing and I can’t fucking think.

I was so angry earlier.  Mad at god, life, whatever; now I don’t feel anything.  A buzzing calm.

My head feels full of fuzz.  Static.  I feel like I could do anything without suffering any consequences.  I could take a knife and stab myself in the leg if I felt so inclined.  I truly believe that I would not feel a thing.

Intrusive thoughts that always scare me aren’t even bothering me now.  I could do anything.  I could.  If I wanted to.  But all I want to do right now is sit here.  I want to see how long I can sit here until everyone wakes […]